Mario Jumped Down The Wrong Pipe

(I work in a popular video game store. It’s Christmas, so we have a lot of stressed-out parents buying last-minute gifts. One woman barges past the long line of customers I am serving.)

Me: “I’ll be with you in a minute. I just have to serve these customers first.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s just a question!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll try to do both. Go ahead.”

Customer: “Do you have Super Mario on the PS4?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid not. Mario is only for Nintendo; he’s their mascot, so he’s not on other platforms. Do you mean the Wii, WiiU, DS, or 3DS?”

Customer: *talking as if I was slow* “No! PLAYSTATION. He has a PEE-ESS-FOOOR! Check the computer; I know it exists! He told me!”

Me: *humouring her and checking the system* “I’m afraid there are no Mario titles for anything other than Nintendo. Are you sure he said PS4?”

Customer: “Look, my son probably knows more about games than you. He’s very smart! He specifically told me you could get it on PS4 now!”

Me: “I’m afraid he might have been misinformed or maybe misheard. Mario is only on Nintendo.”

Customer: “ARE YOU CALLING MY SON A LIAR?!”

Me: “No… I just was saying tha—”

Customer: “YOU’RE JUST HIDING IT FROM HONEST CUSTOMERS! YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO SELL IT TO ME!”

(She storms out and comes back several minutes later, pushing past customers who had been there when she first came in. She THRUSTS her phone in my face, open to a YouTube video.)

Customer: “SEE? MARIO NOW ON PS4! If you were any good at your job, you would know that!”

Me: “May I see that video, please?”

(She smirks and throws the phone at me. I just about catch it. I don’t watch the video, but instead, I open the description underneath. In capital letters are the words, “APRIL FOOLS, SUCKAS!” and yep, it was posted on 1st April. All the comments below are about how such a thing would never happen.)

Me: “I’m afraid this is a parody video. It was an April Fool’s joke; see right here?”

Customer: “WELL, HOW WAS MY SON MEANT TO KNOW THAT?! HE’S ONLY SEVEN!”

(She storms out, embarrassed and angry, as the customers she pushed past earlier are trying to hide their smirks.)

Manager: *deadpan whisper* “I thought she said her son was smart?”