Man Cannot Live By Water Alone

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Can I get you anything to drink?”

Customer #1: “Yes, please. I would like a glass of water.”

Me: “Coming right up.”

Me: *delivering the water* “There you are, ma’am. Have you decided what you want to order?”

Customer #1: *downing the water* “Wow, this water is great. Do you happen to have any more, sweetie?”

Me: “Er… yeah we do. Do you want another glass?”

Customer #1: “I would appreciate it.”

(I go to get her another glass of water, and as soon as I come back, she begins to speak up about the menu.)

Customer #1: “Oh, Lord! Don’t you have any vegetarian stuff here?”

Me: “I’m sorry miss, but this is a bar and grill. We have salads, but they all come with chicken or beef.”

Customer #1: “That’s inhumane! Don’t you know what you’re doing to the animals?”

Me: “I think you should go to a vegan restaurant. What did you expect from a bar and grill?”

Customer #1: “Don’t give me your sass! I just want some non-animal food! Don’t you have any of that?”

Me: “Well… we have grilled cheese, and–”

Customer #1: *cutting me off* “WHAT?! CHEESE COMES FROM MILK, WHICH COMES FROM COWS! I’M NOT EATING THAT!”

Me: “I’m sorry then, ma’am, there’s really nothing for you here. Please quiet down; you’re disturbing the other customers.”

Customer #2: *from across the room* “Listen to what he tells you, you stupid b****!”

Customer #1: “Goodness! You god-d*** animal murderers deserve to go to Hell! *pause* “Er, sonny, may I get another glass of that water?”

Me: “OUT!”

Customer #2: *from across the room* “Mmm… murder.”