Mama Puts A Stammer In Your Swagger

| OH, USA | Right | December 4, 2012

(I’m up working the cash register on a slow day, when a teenage boy comes up. He looks to be about 14. He’s sagging his pants, trying to look tough.)

Customer: “Hey, baby.”

Me: “Hi there, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *leans on the counter* “You can get me your number.”

(I’m 25, and engaged.)

Me: “Sorry, but that’s not going to happen. Can I help you with anything else?”

Customer: “Why the f*** not, you stupid b****?!”

Me: “One: That would be illegal. Two: I am happily engaged. And three: even if I ignore the first two, it’s against company policy.”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing b****! You should be happy I want a piece of your a**!”

(As the customer continues ranting and raving, a woman appears behind him. She reaches out and taps his shoulder twice.)

Customer: “What the f*** do you want—”

(He turns around. All the color drains from his face. He manages to squeak out some words.)

Customer: “Hi, mama.”

(She smacks him across the face.)

Customer’s Mom: “I did not raise you to be a self-entitled douche-bag! I did not raise you to think you are better than this poor girl!” *she grabs him by the ear, and shoves him against the counter, facing me* “Now, apologize!”

Customer: “But mom!”

Customer’s Mom: “Now!”

(He looks close to tears. He mumbles out how sorry he is, and how it wasn’t fair of him to treat me like a piece of meat. His mom, by his ear, pushes him towards the door.)

Customer’s Mom: “Go.”

(He walks out of the store, ready to cry. She turns to me, gives me a huge smile, apologizes again, and even buys me a gift card. Apparently there are some good parents still out there!)

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  • Fireknight

    Well, now he really needs a piece of a**. His one is whooped so bad he needs replacement parts.

  • Ty Williams

    I wish more of these pick up artists and pigs had moms that would put them back in their place. Jeez.

  • Tosi kuvesi

    “I did not raise you to be a self-entitled douche-bag!”

    Well, obviously she did. Where do you think he picked up brazenly humiliating others in public from? Couldn’t possibly be the way she brazenly humiliates him in public…

    • CyNical CyNthia

      The internet, video games, friends, television, his father, etc…

      • Tosi kuvesi

        The story already contains an example of his mother teaching him to publicly humiliate others. We don’t exactly need to guess where he got that from, although I like the blatant sexism in suggesting it was his father.