Making Your Response Explicitly Clear

, , , , , , , , | Working | October 15, 2019

(I am out to my lunch with my brother, his boyfriend, and my boyfriend. All three men are 5’7” or taller and they all work out. I order a bunch of French fries for myself. The waiter brings them over and gives them all to my brother.)

Brother: “Here, [My Nickname].”

(As I’m reaching for the French fries, assuming it was a mix-up and the waiter will understand, he cuts me off and tries to hand me my brother’s burger.)

Waiter: “No! Sorry, but this is yours!”

(He pressures me into taking it, so I do, planning on switching them back. Then, I look down at the tray. On a napkin is written, “You’re hot enough to bang all night long, babe. ;)” along with a phone number.)

Boyfriend: “What’s wrong?”

(I show him, and then my brother and his boyfriend. My brother takes the tray, giving me the fries.)

Me: “What are you planning?”

Brother: “Shhh!” *waiter arrives* “Hey, man.”

Waiter: “Yes, sir?”

Brother: “About this note…” *lifts it up*

Waiter: “Oh, s***. I’m so sorry, I meant it for her!”

Brother: “Oh, d***. I was hoping it was for me.”

Waiter: “Excuse me?”

Brother’s Boyfriend: *leans over brother’s shoulder, smirking* “Yeah, been a while since we had a threesome.”

Brother: “And you never let me suck your d**k! Maybe this guy will, since you’re so particular.”

Waiter: *pales and flees* 

(We all burst out laughing. The waiter comes back with a manager.)

Manager: “Sorry, ma’am, sirs. I’m going to ask you all to leave.”

Us: “Huh?”

Manager: “According to [Waiter] you were verbally harassing him, saying sexually explicit things, and being nosy.”

Me: “No, no! He gave me this note, and my brother was messing with him to try to teach him not to do this stuff.” *gives the note to him*

Manager: *pause* “I’m going to look into this. If you all are lying, I’ll have to ban you from all locations. And if you–” *turns to the waiter* “–are lying, there will be repercussions.”

(He leaves and we all go back to eating, kind of worried about the waiter situation. Eventually, the manager comes back, seething.)

Manager: “I’m so sorry. We have cameras, there, there, and there–” *pointing at nearby cameras* “–and they were able to show that [Waiter] did give you the note. Plus, we checked his handwriting, and it’s the same. I’m so sorry you were uncomfortable, and while I must say that I don’t condone your response, it was warranted. Would you like your meal for free?”

Me: “Oh, no, that’s okay. As long as he doesn’t get away with it.”

Manager: “He won’t.”

(We still wound up getting free dessert, somehow, but I’ll never forget my boyfriend’s facial expression when my brother started talking about sucking d**k.)

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