Making You Boiling Mad  

(Due to a water boil notice, my 24-hour restaurant is unable to serve water, coffee, tea, or soda. We get cases of bottled water, but we’re one of few open restaurants and our remaining drinks are going quickly. On Saturday night, we run out of everything except milk, and I tell every incoming table “all we have to drink is milk” and wait until they verbally confirm this is okay before I seat them. Servers reported these conversations with their tables.)

Server: “So, as the host told you, all we have today is milk. Can I start you with some milk?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, we’ll take four milks and a water.”

Server: “Right, we don’t have any water. Four milks, then?”

Customer #1: “You don’t have water?”

Server: “Unfortunately, all we have to drink is milk today, so can I get you some milk?”

Customer #2: “We’ll take four waters.”

Server: *pause* “Unfortunately, all we have to drink today is milk. Can I get you some milk?”

Customer #2: “Oh, then I’ll take a diet Coke.”

Server: “Sir, all I can offer you is milk. Would you like milk?”

Customer #2: “All you have is milk?”

(There are five glasses of milk on this customer’s table.)

Customer #3: “I’d like coffee.”

Server: “All we have is milk, unfortunately.”

Customer #3: *argues for several minutes about wanting other drinks, mostly coffee*

Server: *finally leaves table*

Customer #3: *immediately turning to me at the host stand* “Excuse me, do you have coffee?”

Me: “Dude, we don’t have anything. All we have is milk.”

Customer #3: *makes a face as though I’m being horribly rude for no reason*

Customer’s Friend: “Dude, they told you five times they’re out of drinks.”