Making Regular Trips To The Ovum Office

(A female coworker has been going to the toilet frequently all day, for obvious reasons. One manager in our department has taken notice, and has been moaning about her every time she excuses herself.)

Manager: “The second she leaves, I’m confronting her. She’s obviously smoking.”

Me: “I can’t assure you, she isn’t.”

Manager: “All right, what is she doing, then?”

(Most of the department looks at him, including most of the men. He does a hand gesture which implies, “Well?”)

Me: *having lost my patience* “Well, firstly: she doesn’t smoke. And secondly: you know how women don’t have penises?”

Manager: *confused* “Yes?”

Me: “And how we ovulate once a month?”

Manager: *penny finally dropping* “Oh…” *walks away*

(A day later, the department manager brings me into her office with [Manager], to talk about how I was “unreasonably rude” to him. He has neglected to mention the topic, however. We start arguing.)

Department Manager: “Enough! I can’t understand a word either of you are saying. What is all of this even about?”

Me: “[Manager] didn’t know why [Coworker] has been going to the bathroom a lot.”

(She looks at him, bewildered.)

Department Manager: “Would you like me to draw you a picture?”

(He blushes and runs out of her office. After explaining a bit more to her, we both agree I could have handled the situation better, but she sees no reason to escalate it further unless [Manager] wants to — he doesn’t. Before I leave, she has this to say.)

Department Manager: “At every work do, he complains about how he’s never able to get a girlfriend. After this, I can understand why!”