Don’t Be Left Holding The Baby

(My uncle’s wife gave birth to her first child a few months earlier. This is the first baby in the family since I was born. I already have made it clear that I’ll never have children, something my family has a hard time accepting.)

Aunt: *holding my little cousin* “Come on. Take and hold her for a moment!”

Me: “I have no idea how to hold a child. I’ll drop her.”

Aunt: “No! Take her!”

(She shoves my cousin into my arms and leaves the room. I immediately put her down because I’m uncomfortable holding children. My grandma enters.)

Grandma: “Why aren’t you holding your cousin!”

Me: “Granny, you know I don’t like holding children. They’re so fragile. I’m scared I’ll break something.”

Grandma: “You have to learn this for when you have children yourself!”

(She shoves my cousin back into my arms and leaves the room. I put her down again. My mom enters.)

Mom: “See, it’s not so bad holding children… Wait. You’re not holding her.”

Me: “No, I’m not, and the next time one of you tries to shove this child into my arms there’s a high chance I’ll throw her out the window.”

(My mom starts shouting about how I could say something like that. My sister enters.)

Sister: “Hey, [My Name], do you still think children are annoying?”

Me: “Yup. But apparently, in this family, most of them become even more annoying as they get older.”