Making It Rain Laminated Sheets

(An older gentleman approaches the counter, with an abrupt manner about him.)

Customer: “Do you do laminating here?”

Me: “Yep, sure do!”

(Before I can explain pricing or options or anything, he cuts me off:)

Customer: “Well, where is it? Is it a machine in self-serve, or do I have to give you the items, or what?”

Me: “Oh, it gets done here, behind the counter. What are you looking to get laminated today?”

(He reaches into his pocket and gets out his wallet. That’s not that unusual; people frequently get business cards or small wallet-sized photo laminated. However, instead of getting anything like that out, I see he’s opened the bill portion and is pulling out a $100 bill… and another… and another… and another, until he’s holding out ten $100 bills. He holds them out to me like it’s nothing, a strange smugness about him. In my surprise over it, it takes me a second to actually respond, but eventually I take a step back and hold my hands up and shaking my head;)

Me: “I… can’t laminate that.”

Customer: “What?! Well, why not? What’s wrong with it!”

Me: “It’s illegal for me to laminate any kind of currency.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean? How is that possible? Just laminate it!”

Me: “Well, even if I COULD laminate it… It would get ruined in the machine… Like, it would melt. You know these bills are made of something similar to plastic, right? And the laminate sheet is its own sort of plastic. The heat from the machine would make the bills illegible.”

Customer: “What do you mean? Just run them through.”

Me: “The heat would ruin them. They would melt together with the plastic of the laminate sleeve, probably ‘bleeding’ and blurring…”

(I had no idea if that would happen or not, I just knew that they couldn’t go through the machine because they’d sustain some sort of damage, and also it is illegal. He looked entirely displeased and put out, but then shoved the bills back into his wallet and stormed away. I turned to my coworker who was with me at the time, looking at her in disbelief, and she shrugged.)

Coworker: “Maybe he had some big bill to pay, and he’s trying to be a smart-a** about it.”