Making A Musical Exit

I work the closing shift at a store with some bad customers who like to shop needlessly long after closing, and some bad corporate who does not allow us to kick them out. My manager has chosen to develop some clever ways to solve this.

Twenty minutes before closing:

Manager: “Attention shoppers. Our store closes in twenty minutes. The only people who should be in the store after twenty minutes should be our workers. We are not responsible for any discomfort inflicted upon non-workers present after that time.”

Ten minutes before closing:

Manager: “Attention shoppers. Our store closes in ten minutes. After ten minutes have passed, we will begin playing our workers’ preferred music at maximum volume. We are not responsible for any discomfort inflicted upon non-workers present after that time.”

Thirty seconds before closing:

Big Kenny: “BROTHERS AND SISTERS! WE’RE HERE FOR ONE REASON, AND ONE REASON ALONE, TO SHARE OUR LOVE OF MUSIC! I PRESENT TO YOU, COUNTRY MUSIC WITHOUT PREJUDICE!”

Anyone who was still straggling tends to rapidly hurry to the tills as soon as the music starts. Those who endure the lead-up to the first chorus are promptly assaulted with an interruption in the form of “Rin-chan Now” with a quintuple-extended opening. 

That’s been enough for everyone so far, which is good, because it means we, the night shift, can rock out to both songs at a reasonable volume. If ever someone shows up who shares our music tastes, my manager has claimed to have a last resort loaded in the form of “Baby Shark”.