Makes You Want To Shrimp Into Your Seat

(I am out for lunch with a friend, and we have just finished ordering. Our waitress has been nothing but cheerful and friendly.)

Me: “Oh, I noticed a lot of your lunch specials have shrimp in them. Could you please make sure my food doesn’t come into contact with any shellfish?”

Waitress: “Oh, definitely!” *makes note* “So, are you just allergic to shrimp, or all shellfish?”

Me: “All shellfish.”

Waitress: “That sucks. I’m allergic to the iodine in shrimp, but I can eat crab legs and stuff. Anyway, I’ll get this right in for you!”

(As she walks away, I notice my friend is silently fuming.)

Me: “What’s wrong?”

My Friend: “What business is it of hers what you’re allergic to? She had no right to ask that!”

Me: “She was just making conversation; no big deal.”

My Friend: “No! She had no right! I’m going to talk to a manager about her behavior!”

Me: “Dude, just chill; she was just being friendly.”

(Ignoring me, my friend goes up to bar and demands to speak to a manager. The bartender promises to have one come to our table. My friend returns to the table. A couple of minutes later the manager appears.)

Manager: “I hear you wanted to speak to me. Is there anything I can help you with?”

My Friend: “Yes! Our stupid b**** waitress is rude and unprofessional! My friend here is allergic to shellfish, and when she asked that her food not touch any shellfish, your employee refused until she knew exactly what my friend was allergic to! She demanded to know! She has no right!”

(At this point I want to hide in my seat, but the manager turns to me.)

Manager: “Is this true? I sincerely apologize; I have never known her to do something like that!”

Me: “That’s because it didn’t happen. She was making conversation, and simply asked a question, after making the note about my allergy. She is a wonderful waitress; my friend here is blowing it all of proportion.”

My Friend: “No, don’t listen to her! That waitress is horrible and deserves to be fired! I demand that our bill be free!”

(The manager is looking a bit confused. Our waitress is standing nearby, looking like she’s going to cry. I’ve had enough, and turn to my friend.)

Me: “This has gone too far. I don’t know what you’re flipping out about, and if this is just some ploy to get free food, I want nothing to do with it. I’m not lying to get that poor girl in trouble, just because you’re cheap!”

(I turn to the manager.)

Me: “May I please be seated elsewhere?”

(The manager obliges and seats me across the restaurant, though he lets me keep the same waitress. My friend—who I no longer speak to—keeps making such a racket that he is removed. I have a delicious, shellfish-free lunch, and the manager even gives me a free dessert!)