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Makes You Want To Crawl Into A Hole And Just Guy

, , , , | Right | November 5, 2019

(I am a woman, and I work at a theme park as a caricature artist. My uniform is extremely unflattering, and I have a short haircut and an apparently androgynous face. However, my measurements are also 38″-28″-44″ at the time; I have a DD-cup bust line with an hourglass figure that the saggy, baggy uniform I have to wear can almost totally disguise from certain angles. The following occurs as I am closing up a register at a caricature booth near the front exit.)

Customer: “Hey, guy!”

(He whistles and snaps his fingers as if commanding a dog. I overhear him but figure he obviously must be talking to someone else.)

Customer: “Hey, guy!”

(He approaches me, snapping again, and I realize that as I am bent over my calculator at the counter, my baggy shirt is totally hiding my ample assets. He IS talking to me! I hate being snapped at, but I smile and glance up without unbending from my work.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

(Unfortunately for him, I speak in an alto/tenor register.)

Customer: “Yeah, man, which way is the park exit?”

(I stand upright to point to my left, and my shape is suddenly… very much in evidence.)

Me: “The park exit is right over there, sir.”

Customer: *staring* “Oh. Oh, God.” *mortified and horrified, while I am trying so very hard to keep a straight face and not bust up laughing at his sudden expression* “I am so sorry.”

Me: *grinning, but sympathetic* “There’s really no way to back out of that one is there, sir? You have a great evening.”

(The poor man bolted for the park exit, and I waited until he was out of earshot to start laughing out loud.)

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