Mail Order Disorder

(I travel a lot and unfortunately have been getting sick a lot recently. I get a loud banging on my door, so I go check it and all I see is a pink slip from a delivery company that says, “vacant?” I go check my mail and there are three letters in there. A week later, I get the banging again and grab the door to see a postal worker standing there.)

Postal Worker: “You need to check your mail more! I thought you were vacant!”

Me: “I travel a lot, and I’ve recently been too sick to move. Usually I check it every other day.”

Postal Worker: “I don’t believe you! You have at least three weeks of mail piled up at the post office.”

Me: “Yeah, right. Also, you see that mezuzah on my door? Clear sign that it’s not vacant because Jews don’t leave a home without them. So, stop harassing me and give me the dumb slip so I can get my three weeks worth of junk mail!”

Postal Worker: “It’s in the mail box.” *he walks away*

Me: “No, it’s not! You were just writing it. I can see it in your hand!”

(No response.)

Me: “Fine! I’ll be there soon. I hope your coworkers got their flu shots!”