Magic Potion

(My boyfriend gets dry skin and needs to use lotion rather often.)

Boyfriend: *holding out lotion bottle* “How do you open this thing?!”

Me: *does a little twist and it immediately pops open, handing it back to him*

Boyfriend: *stares in shock at it, then at the bottle, then back at me with a dumbfounded and bewildered look* “HOW DID YOU DO THIS?!”

Me: *laughing hysterically* “MAGIC! I’m a f****** WIZARD!”

Boyfriend: *suddenly serious* “No, you are going to teach me this magic right now!”

(I took him into the bathroom and showed him how they work.)

Boyfriend: “I’m a f****** idiot…”

Me: “You’re my smart, wonderful, engineer, who also happens to be a f****** idiot sometimes.”