Mac Attack!

, , , | Right | November 1, 2017

(I work at the help desk for a computer manufacturer. I am assisting people with their purchases after the Christmas rush. Some people have legitimate problems; others are computer-illiterate and simply need some guidance. One person in particular simply shouldn’t own a computer. I am in the middle of my shift when I answer a call from an irate man.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company] tech support. My name is [My Name]. May I have your customer or serial number please?”

Caller: “I want you to send me a new laptop. This one doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I would be happy to assist you with your computer. I just need your customer or serial number please.”

(After a bit of back and forth, he finally allows me to guide him to the serial number on his computer and reads it to me.)

Me: “Okay, Mr. [Name]. I have your account brought up and I see you recently purchased a [Laptop Model]. What is the problem you are experiencing with it?”

Caller: “I can’t get it to install [Program], so I want you to send me a new laptop.”

Me: “Sir, I understand your frustration. I need to do a little troubleshooting to identify the problem before issuing a replacement. May I have the name of the program you are trying to install again, please?”

Caller: “It’s [Program].”

(I quickly do some research to identify if there is some compatibility issue with our computer or his version of Windows to discover that there is — the program is only written for Mac. It will never, ever work on his machine.)

Me: “Sir, that program is for Mac only. Windows cannot run it.”

Caller: “I want a new laptop. This one is broken. It won’t install [Program] and it should. I want a new one.”

Me: “Sir, it is much like putting a DVD into a VCR. While they are both made to play movies, the VCR will never be able to read a DVD. It’s different technology.”

Caller: “[Name] at my company told me I could and he knows computers.”

Me: “Sir, if you purchased a car and tried to put a motorcycle wheel on it, because someone told you that you could, would you return the car to the dealership and demand a new one because it didn’t work?”

Caller: *screams at me so loud I have to pull my headset down* “Yes, I would!”

Me: “Okay, sir, there is nothing wrong with the laptop that I can identify. It is functioning exactly as designed. If you want me to troubleshoot other issues, I am happy to do so. However, I cannot issue a replacement at this time. What I can do, if you wish, is issue you a return box with prepaid shipping, and you will receive a full refund as soon as the laptop and all of its components are received by our warehouse, as per your 30-day money back guarantee.”

Caller: “You—” *long string of expletives* “You are going to send me a new computer or I demand a refund!”

Me: “Sir, I was offering you a refund.”

Caller: “Go f*** yourself!”

Me: “Again, thank you for calling [Company] and have a great day.”

(I hung up the phone and sent him the return box while he was still ranting. I looked back at the notes after mine later that day and discovered he had tried six more times with different techs to get a new computer, and all of them told him the same thing. He eventually ended up accepting the return, thank goodness!)

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