Love Is Love… Idiot

, , , , | Romantic | July 17, 2017

(My uncle is a self-proclaimed redneck and always has been. We lost contact with each other but finally got each other’s phone numbers again and are speaking for the first time in seven years. He still lives in a rural southern area and I’ve moved up north. I’m also gay.)

Me: “And also… I’m married.”

Uncle: “Oh, yeah? Who’s the guy?”

Me: “Actually, it’s, um, a woman.”

Uncle: “Oh. Well, you know I don’t understand that, but I don’t have to. Hell, I don’t understand how your daddy has been married four times. I still love you and if your wife makes you happy that’s enough for me. If she hurts you, though, I hurt her.”

Me: “Haha, I’ll tell her.”

Uncle: “You haven’t told Nana, have you?” *his mother* “She’s very against that.”

Me: “Unfortunately, she knows. She still tries to be buddy-buddy with me over Facebook and doesn’t understand why I won’t go visit her after she called me an abomination, a disgrace, and sobbed because I wasn’t going to have ‘natural’ children.”

Uncle: “Yeah, she’s an idiot. You’ve been saying since you were nine that you don’t want kids.” *pause* “I have a question.”

Me: “Okay.”

Uncle: “I don’t know any gay people, just one or two folks who keep it quiet ‘cause of where we live, but… is it really dangerous to admit you’re gay?”

Me: “Depends. If I still lived down south, definitely. I got death threats from Dad’s side of the family down there when we announced our engagement.”

Uncle: “If ya tell me who, I can shoot ’em for ya. The h*** does it matter if you like women? Boobs are great!”

(I missed him.)

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  • Glowworm

    Now that is an awesome uncle. He totally understands the love part.

  • Deadpool

    Boobs ARE great!

    • Phil Peligroso

      Truer words have never been spoken.

    • AKchic

      Yes. Boobs are great. As long as we’re not talking about idiots. (i.e.; “you boob!”
      Otherwise, yes, boobs are lovely.

    • Alvar Lind

      I Think he spels his name Bob not Boobs , i might be wrong.

    • D R

      Name checks out!

  • beacon80

    “Well, you know I don’t understand that, but I don’t have to.”
    That really sums it up quite nicely. Your uncle rocks.

    • Kitty

      That is honestly the best thing to say to anyone. About practically anything.

      • beacon80

        Well, not ANYTHING. I mean, you wouldn’t want to hear your surgeon say that while prepping, would you? 🙂

        • Star

          God, I wish mine had. Would’ve known not to let him cut me open, then.

    • David Arnold

      Nice to see there’s some hope for redneck humanity! +1 for the uncle.

    • Hedronal

      At that point in the read, I’d only heard two sentences he’d said and I already liked him. That’s how long it took to outdo so many people who are pro-lgbt, against it, or neutral on it by getting to the actual important part.

  • darsa

    What an awesome uncle! 😀

  • Dani

    Your uncle is pretty great.

  • Royce Ellen Hamel

    Best. Uncle. Ever.

    Just…please don’t let him actually hurt anyone! XD

    • divgradcurl

      Sounds like he’s been dealing with idiot relatives his whole life. If he was actually gonna shoot one of ’em, it probably would have already happened. 😉

  • Zetal47

    Good uncle. That is 1000% A+ uncling there.

  • KanaW

    Your uncle is one super-cool redneck.

  • ash

    That’s the kind of country/redneck personality that I try to explain does exist and is more common than you would think…but the instant someone from the bigger cities or coasts finds out I’m from a rural southern town, I feel like I’ve grown two heads and get peppered with questions like, “how do you deal growing up surrounded by so much hate?” or “Did you grow up in the klan?” I really didn’t expect that kind of ignorance from people who claimed to be so enlightened and educated but there ya go. (of course, this has been my personal experience with the east/west coast…not claiming at all that it’s the rule, just has been what has happened to me.)
    In any case, OP, I’m glad you have family that accepts and loves you…I’m sorry for the ones who felt the need to make you feel less than human…I hope someday they come around and try to make up for all the hateful things they said to you.

    • msnovtue

      Re-read the last half of the story and you’ll find the reason why people think like that.

      • Leah

        the last half of the story isn’t reason to assume that’s how everyone from a particular part of the country behaves.

        • D R

          Everyone? No… but the majority of her family does. She got death threats from relatives. In that family, at least, uncle is an outlier.

  • Chris Hubbard

    Hurrah for BOOBS!

  • I am Jenn

    Did anyone else read this in Bobby’s voice? “Love is love…idjit.”

    • Asiyd

      …. I didn’t, but now I can’t get it out of my head! XD

    • Andrew Shages

      Now I have! Thanks

    • A McKay

      And now I can’t help visualising the uncle as Bobby…! 😀

    • Sandy

      Me to!

    • Julie Kochel

      I saw redneck and automatically read the uncle in Larry the Cable Guy’s voice.

    • Kalu-chan

      I didn’t read it in Bobby’s voice, but I did mentally picture the uncle as looking like Bobby xD

    • Tanqueray Strange

      Now I’m crying, thanks! XD

  • EJ Nauls-Poland

    I agree uncle, boobs are great. You seem like an awesome dude.

  • Asiyd

    This is the most heartwarming story, oh my gosh!

  • David Arnold

    Ok, I’m confused on a couple of points:

    1) Why is a gay man marrying a woman? Perhaps he’s been bi all along?
    2) Why would a man get death threats for announcing his engagement to a woman?

    • beacon80

      The original poster is a gay woman.

      • David Arnold

        Oooohhhhhhhh. Huh, when I read “gay”, I thought “dude”.

        I’ve been conditioned that lesbians prefer not to be called “gay”, rather “lesbian” or “queer”. I forget for some “gay” is a catch-all.

        Thanks for (re)educating me w/out snark! 🙂

        • beacon80

          I make similar mistakes. I generally interpret “gay” as meaning male until proven otherwise. Even here, I did a double-take, and had to re-read the intro to confirm that the OP never said they were male.

        • ValleyLeada

          I’m a lesbian who is fine being called gay. I use “gay” in contexts where it’s clear I’m female, and “lesbian” when other parties might not know I’m female (online, for instance.)

  • leslie

    LOL. Love your uncle. Love his attitude. Hope ya’ll stay in touch. He’s good family to have around.

  • Adrian Mckeehan

    Best Redneck uncle ever. He knows how important family is.

  • CeeCee

    Best Uncle.

  • Luke Green

    He sounds like a great guy. You’re lucky to have him as your uncle.

  • Kathy Joy

    It’s great when people are able to rise above the mire of where they live such as growing up with a very racist/sexist/homophobic family, a neighbourhood or even country, and being better for it. It goes to show that people can rise above it, and also that just because somebody is a ‘yokel’ or a ‘redneck’ doesn’t always mean they’re bad people.

    • Hedronal

      Also see @disqus_ZuoFSh0cgG:disqus’s post below on redneck stereotyping.

      • Kathy Joy

        This was my point – you can rarely judge what a person is really like based on where they’re from. It might be true that more people in southern states are more likely to be racist or whatever but ‘more likely’ is not the same as ‘all’.

        Note: I am not saying they are more likely, I honestly have no idea on what the hard data is, I was only saying that *if* statistics came out showing this, it still doesn’t mean much.

        I mean think about it – how many people are the black sheep of their family?Who are nothing like their parents or even their siblings…?

        • Huck Perry

          Like me, I’m the only deaf person in my whole family. but they love me anyways 🙂

  • Hedronal

    Completely casual, totally accepting, doesn’t need to understand for it to be enough, and asks (at least one of the) important questions about other people’s experiences in other positionalities.

    Can we all including me please be more like this man?

    • Hedronal

      Seriously, his accepting it was never even in question, he’s still full-on in congratulations and support mode.

  • HeadlessGhostOfAbrahamLincoln

    Great story, but shouldn’t this NARelated instead of NARomantic

  • A McKay

    Please give your uncle a virtual hug from me. He has the right attitude; not my cup of tea, but as long as you’re happy, I’m happy. Why can’t the rest of the world be like this?

    Also, this really needs cross-posting to NAH.

  • Twilight And Nerdy

    I wish more people were like your uncle.

  • Boobs are pretty awesome. I like mine.

    • Bobismeisbob

      I don’t like mine but the gym is helping with that.

  • Christine Wood

    Proof that you should never assume anything about someone based solely on their type. Humanity isn’t so easily categorized.

  • Flami

    That’s a great uncle!

  • theBlueWitch

    He’s right.

    Boobs are great.

  • Sara van der Merwe

    My mom was fine when I came out as lesbian, but my dad wasn’t so keen, and my other family practicality hated me. They’re ok now, though. I “corrected” them. And when my girlfriend tried to stop me from doing my duty, I “corrected” her.

    • Pisces

      Duty?

      • Sara van der Merwe

        I was referencing “The Shining.”

        • Pisces

          Oh

  • disqus_i31XNiZkOv

    Great uncle!

  • Tanqueray Strange

    Ahhh this is the best!!!

  • spacealien

    hey, there’s an old post that i really want to read again. Why can’t i find it here even though it shows up on google?

  • Nerdman51

    Yup, fully agree with him