Love Knows No Bounds: Except Survival Horror

(My husband and I have both been gamers most of our lives, but while he prefers turn-based strategy or tabletop RPGs, I’ve always been into more fast-paced titles. He enjoys watching while I play through these types of titles. An action-horror game that revolves around a man who goes in search of his missing wife has just been released. My husband is watching me play the opening sequences, and is good-naturedly mocking it… He never finds these types of games scary.)

Husband: “Baby, don’t worry. If you were ever kidnapped, I would come get you.”

Me: “Oh, yeah? Even if it were at a place like this? Saw blades hanging in the trees? Creepy old house? Doorway covered in animal parts?”

Husband: *scoffs* “Of course! I’d go get [Friend #1] and [Friend #2], and we’d go all Red Dawn and have you home in no time.”

(Half an hour later after the game has really gotten going…)

Husband: *calmly* “Baby?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Husband: “I love you, but I would have noped the h*** out of there, like, fifteen minutes ago.”

Me: “What! You’d leave me to the crazy cannibal family? What happened to Red Dawn?”

Husband: “Red Dawn is for heavy-handed dramatic patriotism. Not for situations where someone scuttles up the basement stairs on all fours and pins your hand to the wall with a screwdriver. You’re on your own, dearest.”