Love, And Other Drugs, Part 2

| Romantic | January 23, 2013

(My husband is deployed in Afghanistan. My appendix has ruptured, so I have been given powerful painkillers in the Emergency Room. My husband calls, and an ER tech who is sitting near my bed to monitor my breathing hands me my phone.)

Me: “Lello?”

Husband: “Hey sweetheart, did I wake you up?”

Me: “I don’t think so. Hey [tech], was I asleep?”

Tech: “Not asleep so much as knocked out.”

Husband: “Who is that? Where the h*** are you?”

Me: “That is [tech]. I am… somewhere. Not at home.”

Husband: “Where is [daughter’s name]?”

Me: “The commies took her. You… you can come home now, Obama has his camels, we don’t need any more. They’re at the zoo. My tummy doesn’t hurt anymore, but I think they’re going to cut it anyway.”

Husband: *yelling* “What is going on? Are you on drugs? Where is [daughter]?”

Tech: “Can I talk for a minute? Hi, Mr [name]. This is [tech] at [hospital]. Your wife is okay, her appendix ruptured and she’s on some very powerful painkillers until we can get her into surgery. Your daughter is with your mother-in-law. Here’s your wife back.”

Me: “Hey there. I’m feeling sleepy now. I think I’m gonna… Love you… Don’t get shot, okay?”

Husband: “Okay, go to sleep.”

(I found out later that he had gotten halfway to the commander’s tent to get an emergency flight back to the country because he thought I had been drugged and kidnapped. His commander had flowers sent to my hospital room with a note asking me to please not do that again.)


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