Lost The Street Drug Catalog

(I am a pharmacist. While I’m on lunch, a customer comes up to the counter while my technician is helping another customer in the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Do you have a pharmacist working? It’s an emergency! I need to speak to her now!”

(My technician calls me back to the pharmacy. The customer sees me arrive and tries to stop me outside the pharmacy, but I make her wait until I get in the pharmacy.)

Customer: “I just bought these pills off the street, and they are supposed to be Xanax. But I looked on my phone with Google, and it said they weren’t Xanax. I need you to tell me what this is now. It’s an emergency that I know what this is.”

Me: *looking blankly* “I will not identify any medication that is purchased illegally.”

Customer: “I need to know what this is. It’s an emergency! Why won’t you tell me what it is?”

Me: “Because it was illegally purchased, and I’m not helping people purchase drugs on the street.”

(She looked at me for a few seconds and then walked off.)