Lost And Losing It

(I work at a theme park. I am off-duty and leaving work after a long day. On the way out, I am accosted by a very frightened guest. We have a cabin labeled “Lost Parents” where children who have been separated from their parents are taken when found.)

Guest: “My daughter is missing!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry.”

Guest: “She’s only eight years old. She has blonde hair and is wearing a green shirt and khaki shorts.”

Me: “I haven’t seen her; I’m sorry.”

Guest: “Can you page for her?”

Me: “They don’t usually page for lost children, but you can ask at Guest Services. First you should try Lost Parents.”

Guest: “What’s wrong with you? Do you think this is funny?”

Me: “No, sir. But if your daughter’s been found, then someone will have taken her to Lost Parents.”

Guest: “I’m not lost! My daughter is lost!”

Me: “Yes, well, if you go up that hill and then right at [Ride], you’ll see the cabin on the left. It says, ‘Lost Parents’ on it.”

Guest: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? MY DAUGHTER IS LOST!”

Me: “Would you like for me to walk you to Lost Parents?”

Guest: “No, I want you to find my daughter! I WANT YOU TO PAGE FOR MY DAUGHTER!”

Me: “I’m a food service worker. You have to talk to guest services to have someone paged. But our security guards are pretty vigilant; your daughter is probably waiting for you at Lost Parents.”

Guest: “I AM NOT LOST! MY DAUGHTER IS! You know what? I’M GOING TO REPORT YOU AT GUEST SERVICES WHEN I HAVE THEM PAGE FOR MY DAUGHTER! YOU GO FIND HER!”

(The guest stomps off in the wrong direction.)

Me: “Um… Lost Parents is the other way.”

Guest: *over her shoulder* “I AM NOT LOST!”

(I go to Lost Parents to check on the child and immediately spot her. She looks very frightened, so I get her a drink and sit with her until her parent arrives with the security guards.)

Guest: “You again! You knew where my daughter was the whole time, and you didn’t tell me!”

Security Guard: “She didn’t tell you to try Lost Parents?”

Guest: “I thought she was joking!”