Losing Cruise Control

(I am working in the fitting room when a woman walks up to my counter.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How many items?”

Customer: “You don’t sell winter jackets, do you? I didn’t see any. Nothing like this that I bought at [Other Store]. This cost me only eighty-nine dollars!”

Me: “That’s very nice, ma’am.”

(I try to remain friendly as the woman shows me her jacket, her purse, and the shoes she is currently wearing. This goes on for about ten minutes.)

Customer: “You know, I went on a cruise a few weeks ago. Now I need to buy a swimsuit, but I don’t suppose you have any, do you?”

Me: “Actually, we just got a bunch of bathing suits in a few weeks ago. They’re over in the corner of the women’s department.”

(The customer spends about ten more minutes telling me about all of the different cruises she had been on. I’m trying not to be rude, but I have other customers who are trying to get into the fitting room. One by one they go in, and one by one this customer stops them to tell them about all of her cruises. All in all, this lasts for about fifteen more minutes.)

Customer: “And would you believe that I’m fifty-eight years old! I look great for my age, don’t you think? It’s because of all of the cruises I’ve been on! At least two a year. I’m very rich.”

Me: “That’s nice, ma’am.”

(Eventually, the customer’s husband comes over and grabs her by the arm.)

Customer’s Husband: “Why are you still over here?! You’ve been here for nearly half an hour.”

Customer: “Oh, I was just telling this nice young lady about all of the cruises you’ve taken me on!”

Customer’s Husband: “You’ve never been on a god d*** cruise in your entire life, you old bat!”

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