Lose The Wife For Twice The Price

(On a previous night, I’d taken a voice recording on my phone of my wife snoring. Tonight, I play it back while she’s reading in bed. She gives me a look. )

Wife: “Maybe I should record you so you can hear yourself?”

Me: “You know, I actually played this back to you immediately after recording to see if you’d get woken up by your own snoring, but you synced with the recording and I got it in stereo.”

Wife: “So it was like there were two of me?”

Me: “Two of you? Hmm… extra boobs…”

Wife: “No, I’d get jealous of you being with my other self!”

Me: “Wouldn’t your other self think the same thing about you?”

Wife: “She’d come in handy though. I could go to work one day and she could go in the next.”

Me: “That’s great and all, but which one of you am I banging?”

Wife: *gives me another look*

Me: “Ah… neither.”