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Looking Less And Less Impressive

, , , , , | Right | September 5, 2017

(My sister works at a pub while at university. She is also gay and usually wears a t-shirt that says, “Don’t bother. I’m mad for gyno,” on it when she works. This night she isn’t, though. I am waiting with her girlfriend for her shift to end. There has been a guy pestering her for the majority of the time we’ve been waiting. She takes his last order before she finishes, and makes a disgusted noise before going to get his drink. She also motions to us to get ready. When she comes back, the guy stands up and drops his trousers and underwear. The entire pub goes silent and some of the male regulars stand.)

Customer: “So, sweetheart, good enough for you and your [slur] friend?”

Sister: *glaring at his crotch* “Mate, if you think that could satisfy even one p****, then I’ve got some bad news.”

(The entire pub laughs, and the guy pulls his trousers up and sprints out, as a couple of the regulars follow. My sister grabs her things and meets us.)

Girlfriend: “Do you need to phone the police or anything?”

Sister: “Oh, I don’t bother. The guys [regulars] will make sure he’ll never come back.”

Me: “Does it happen a lot?”

Sister: “Every now and again. For some reason, drunks seem to think because I’m gay that I’ve never seen a penis, and that somehow seeing theirs will magically make me want to have sex, AND include my girlfriend. I just insult it and call it a day.”