Look At What You’re Doing, Because You Can

(A patron has asked to speak to me.)

Me: “Good afternoon, madam.”

Patron: *shouting* “Finally! This woman–” *points* “–has been staring at me all afternoon. I want her removed. It is so uncomfortable. It has ruined my entire day. I want our meal for free, and a coupon for–”

Me: *interrupting* “Madam, I can assure you that this lady is not ‘staring.’”

Patron: “Are you f****** blind? Look at her!”

Me: “No, madam, I am not blind. The woman you are accusing of staring, however, is blind, and therefore, I can guarantee with absolute certainty that she is not staring.”

(The patron sputtered and quickly asked for the bill while turning the colour of a tomato. After she paid she practically dragged her husband out. He offered a quick apology to the blind patron and her guest. The guest glared at the couple as they left.)