Loch Ness And Less
I work in a small Scottish town near the Glenfinnan Viaduct, which is an iconic curved railway bridge made famous by appearing in many movies and TV shows. As a result, we get a lot of visitors passing through who want to come and see the viaduct, among other things.
A tourist family is buying a few odds and ends from the little corner shop where I work. As they’re paying:
Customer: “Do y’all accept American Express?”
Me: “We do.”
Customer: “Awesome! We’ve been struggling to find places that accept it.”
Me: “Yeah, it’s not as universally accepted here as it is in the… I’m assuming you’re from the States?”
Customer: “Yeah! We came here to see the Harry Potter bridge!”
I hate it when the viaduct is called that, but hey, whatever brings in money.
Me: “Yes, it’s very impressive, isn’t it?”
Customer: “We were hoping the train would go over it, but we were told that’s just in the movies.”
Me: “Yes, the—”
Customer: “Do we just keep driving down this road to get to the Black Lake?”
Me: “Loch Shiel, which is what it’s really called, is just a few minutes’ drive down that road, and then at the end is the pier where you can take a boat tour.”
Customer: “How far down the lake is Hogwarts?”
Me: “You mean the filming location? That’s not really too accurate, as the film used a lot of special effects, but the whole loch is beautiful, and—”
Customer: “Yes, I know they used lots of effects, but where is the actual building?”
Me: “Building?”
Customer: “The big castle they used for Hogwarts!”
Me: “There isn’t a castle on the loch. As I said, those were models and special effects that you saw in the movie.”
Customer: “What do you mean there’s no castle?! But that’s why we came!”
Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to tell you, but the loch is just natural landscape all the way down. It really is beautiful on its own though, and the—”
Customer: “—We came all the way from Texas to see Hogwarts, and you’re telling me it was never there?!”
Me: “It was just a film.”
Customer: “F***! First the whole Nessie monster was fake, and now this?! This trip sucks!”
