Liza’s Pigment-less Revenge

(An elderly customer in her 90’s approaches the till with a cartload of items.)

Customer: “So, have you heard about the albino?”

(She says this several times. As this was around the time Bin Laden was killed, I presume this is who she is referring to when she says “the albino”.)

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Oh, it turns out he’s not dead. They shot him in the head and dumped him over the side, but he’s still alive, they say! He’s going to destroy the U.S. with his weather-controlling lasers!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Oh, we’ve never had such bad weather as this. It must be those lasers of his. He wants to destroy us, you know.”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: *writing out a check* “My mother was Judy Garland, you know!”

(At this point, the customer starts singing “Over The Rainbow”.)

Customer: “I’m best friends with President Obama. Oh, my father was furious when I voted Democrat. ‘You’re a Republican!’ he yelled at me!” *leaves the store*