Little Miss Fancy Pants

(I am a very advanced child and have a large vocabulary at a very young age. This happens shortly after starting kindergarten, with the teacher fresh out of college.)

Me: *audibly farts* “Excuse me, I just flatulated.”

Teacher: *calls dad* “Sir, your daughter just informed me that she ‘flatulated.'”

Dad: “Did she say ‘excuse me’?”

Teacher: “Well, yes, but—”

Dad: “Then what’s the problem?”

Teacher: “Your FIVE YEAR OLD just told me that she ‘FLATULATED!'”

(After coming home from school.)

Dad: “Honey, I’m proud of you!”

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