Literally Sugar-Coating That Pill

(I’m having a chocolate bar while our lecture has a break. My friend notices it.)

Friend: “Oh, can I have a piece? I’m ravenous!”

(I snap off two squares.)

Friend: “No, a bit more.”

(I snap of another square.)

Friend: “More!”

Me: “Any more and you’ll have more of it than I do!”

Friend: “I’m diabetic. I have low blood sugar!”

Me: “Then use your tablets. You didn’t buy four packs for them just to sit in your bag!”

(She glares at me as she opens her bag, takes out a pack, and starts chewing them down like Tic-Tacs. When she’s done she sticks her tongue out before staring at me panicked and using her insulin pen, realising she probably just shot her blood glucose up to astronomical levels.)

Friend: “That was YOUR FAULT!”

Me: “I didn’t tell you to eat a whole pack!”

Friend: “F*** you!”

(The offer for the chocolate was still open, but after that she didn’t want to risk it.)