Listen Well To This Painful Lesson!

, , , , , | Healthy | August 25, 2020

Have you ever wondered why your doctor tells you not to shove things in your ears?

I know all of the conventional wisdom: no Q-tips, cotton balls, hairpins, etc. However, that doesn’t mean my ears don’t get occasionally itchy, and sometimes, you just have to scratch.

One night, I was lying in my bed, and I felt the irresistible urge to scratch an itch inside my ear. So, I did what any reasonable adult would do. I slid my pinkie in my ear, twisted it, and pulled it out, quick as you like.

It should be noted that I have notoriously tiny ears — ridiculously so — and that I’m used to feeling a little suction when I scratch my ear with my pinkie.

But this time was different.

This time, when my pinkie caught suction, it caught hard — so hard it created a vacuum inside my ear canal.

When my pinkie made it out of my ear, there was a loud POP and such pain that I immediately started to cry. It felt like someone had jabbed a screwdriver into my ear.

Within two hours, the pain had partially subsided, but my ear was hot and leaking clear pus. Sounds were muffled, and I couldn’t hear my own voice in my skull on that side of my head. So, I once more did what any reasonable adult would do and tried to sleep it off.

Fight the inevitable as I might, when I woke up the next morning, I knew I had to go to urgent care. The hearing loss had grown profound, my head was tilting to the left, and everything was muffled and uncomfortable.

The doctor looked in my ear for less than two seconds and gave me the bad news I’d been dreading, along with $500 in antibiotics. Healthcare in America is a b**** if you’re on a state-funded plan, and I was on vacation 2,000 miles outside the area my insurance would cover. Yay, America!

And that’s how I ruptured my eardrum by scratching an itch with my pinkie.

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