Liquid Assets

I used to work for a winery in California back in 2004-2006. Our 800 number was very similar to both the State of Connecticut tax division and Dell Canada’s French tech support. We’d occasionally get people who misdialed asking about their tax forms or angry Quebec residents screaming in French, but it was really no big deal. We figured it out, laughed about it, found the right numbers, and would give them to people when they called. Most people would laugh, apologize, and that was that.

One year, we started getting a LOT of calls for the Connecticut tax division. I got concerned when one person said that they received a tax form, and our number was listed on the form. I looked, and sure enough, someone in the tax office had put our 800 on the form. We called the tax office, but they were basically “oh well,” so we just kept referring people to the right number. Again, most were cool… until the old man called.

I answered the phone:

Me: “Thank you for calling [Winery], how can I help you?”

Caller: “I need help filling out this tax form.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. You want the Connecticut tax office. You’ve called a winery in California.”

Caller: “Okay, so transfer me.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t transfer you. I’m at [Winery] in California.”

Caller: “I don’t care if you’re on vacation! Transfer me to someone else!”

Me: “No, sir, you called [Winery] in California, not the tax office.”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “So, I can give you the right number.”

Caller: “Just transfer me.”

Me: “Sir, I can’t…”

Caller: “I’m tired of this! I want to talk to a supervisor!”

Me: “Sir, again, we are not the tax office! We are Our Winery in California! The tax office printed our number in error on their forms. I can give you their number, but no one here can help you because we are a winery, not the tax office.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “Okay… so you’d like that number?”

Caller: “And then you’ll transfer me?”

It went on like that for five more minutes until he finally realized what I was saying. He did apologize for wasting my time, said he’d call us back to order wine, and hung up. The next year, Connecticut printed the right number on its tax forms, and we rarely got any calls after that.