Likes His Coffee Extra Dark

(I am buying a drink from a common coffee shop. After giving my order, the employee asks:)

Employee: “And what was your name?”

Me: *deadpan* “I am Lord Voldemort.”

(We share a laugh.)

Me: “I gave my name as ‘Hermione Granger’ once, but the barista ended up writing ‘Lord Voldemort’ on the cup. I’ve used that ever since.”

Employee: “You know, I’m going to buy your drink for you, seeing as you’re the Dark Lord and all.”

Me: “Wow, thank you! The Dark Lord is pleased.”