Like Watching A Sub Opera

(I walk into a sandwich shop and order two subs. When I make it to the cash register, I see two cashiers and hand one of them a coupon: two meals for $10.00. The cashiers aren’t sure how to use the coupon, so they begin arguing. After arguing for ten straight minutes, my friend — who has been waiting outside — pokes his head in the door to see if I am almost done. Hearing this, one of the cashiers cuts in.)

Cashier #1: “Is that your boyfriend?”

Me: “No, he’s—”

Cashier #2: “What a boyfriend! Sends a girl in to get him his food, and with a coupon!”

Me: “He’s really not my boy—”

Cashier #1: “I bet he told you to go get him a sandwich, didn’t he?”

Me: “He’s not my—”

Cashier #2: “Here, this cookie is for you. Break up with that jerk!”

Me: “But we’re not—”

Cashier #1: “I better not see you sharing this cookie with him. It’s for you!”

Me: “Okay, I won’t. I’ll just break up with him, then.”

Both Cashiers: “You do that!”

(I went outside and explained to my friend that I was “breaking up” with him because the sub shop cashiers told me to. All the while, the cashiers were inside applauding over my “break up.”)