Like A Good Neighbor, Don’t Be An A**

I’m in the US Navy and I come home to let the maintenance man into my apartment to work on something. He finishes his work and I see him out. I remember that my lock was sticking and it was hard to get the key in. Rather than call the maintenance man back over to fix it, I remember that I have some gun oil and run back inside to grab it, return to my door, spritz-spritz, test it with a key, mission accomplished

As I’m about to go back inside I hear:

Neighbor: “Hey, you! Come here!”

I turn around to see another tenant standing there.

Neighbor: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Fixing the lock. It was sticking, so I’m just lubing it up.”

Neighbor: “Exactly. Why aren’t you fixing mine?!”

Me: “Excu—”

Neighbor: “Just shut up, get over here, and fix my lock! I put in a maintenance request two days ago!”

I’m already not having any of this.

Me: “No.”

Neighbor: “Excuse me? How dare you?! I’ll have you know that I’m friends with the office ladies and your boss. I can get you fired for laziness.”

Me: “I doubt that.”

Neighbor: “It’s true! Now fix this lock or I’ll have your job!”

Me: “No. I don’t work here, idiot. I’m literally wearing my Navy uniform. I owe you nothing, and I’m going to go back inside now.”

Neighbor: “Ugh! Well, you still should have helped me!”

Me: “Maybe, had you been polite about it, I would have, but certainly not now. I’m going inside and you can f*** off, pound sand, and kick rocks in whichever order you feel like.”

I shut the door five minutes ago and she’s still screaming and pounding on my door. Ahh, music!