Life’s A Beach

(Most beaches in New Jersey require a badge for access, so it is my job as a badge checker to sell daily, weekly, and seasonal badges to the general public. Most people who come to the beach know this and are ready to pay; some are not. My coworker and friend borrows my bike to grab lunch on her break, and she is returning the bike so she witnesses this transpire. I am a nineteen-year-old female.)

Me: *to a surfer trying to pass my box* “Excuse me, sir. Do you have a badge?”

Surfer: “Badge?”

Me: “Yes, a badge. Here in [Town], we require that all people who want to use the beach must have a badge. It is $10 for the day.”

Surfer: “[State Park] is closed today so why do I have to pay that amount? Can I get a discount?”

Me: “No, sir, sorry, but we’re not affiliated with [State Park]. We have our own rates that we must use. If you go to [Next Town Over], their rate is only $8.

Surfer: “This is bulls***! I have to pay if I just use the water?”

Me: “Unless you can jump from here to the waterline, then you’re going to have to pay.”

Surfer: “Why?”

Me: *prepared because I hear this every single day* “Well, [Town] owns the beach, so therefore you using the beach without paying is considered trespassing.”

Surfer: “They don’t own the beach.”

Me: “…?”

Surfer: “When Sandy happened the waterline came all the way up to the houses; therefore, the town doesn’t own it.”

Me: “Ah, I don’t think that’s right, but okay… It’s $10, sir.”

Surfer: “You take your job way too seriously.”

(Literally, my job is checking and selling badges; that is the entire job.)

Me: “Okay, sir, $10.”

Surfer: “Do you get commission for being a jerk?” *penny boards away*

Friend: “What the f***?”

Me: “I wish we got commission.”