Lettuce Not
(I am the cashier at a supermarket. Someone unusual has decided to shop here today.)
Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you today?”
Customer: “LETTUCE!”
Me “Uhh… lettuce?”
Customer: “GRAPES!”
Me: “Do you want lettuce and grapes?”
Customer: “HONEY ALL OVER MY BODY!”
Me: “Um… ma’am, the honey is over on aisle seven—”
Customer: *leaning over the counter* “I don’t want that honey. Just you, baaaby!”
Me: “Ma’am, are you drunk?”
Customer: “No, just drunk on my love for you. Come, rub that lettuce all over my p****!”
Me: “Ma’am, please leave me alone.”
Customer: “Kiss me!”
(She leans over and tries to kiss my neck. I call security and they drag her away.)
Customer: “Only yooouuu…”
(It turned out that the woman was very intoxicated.)
