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Let’s Hope The Cake Isn’t Death By Chocolate

, , , , | Right | November 11, 2020

My coworkers and I are lamenting about how our customers don’t seem to pay any attention at all when we speak to them on the phone. We’ve had several instances of customers calling through to our department when they really want Customer Service; you press one for Bakery and zero for Customer Service. It’s literally the first thing stated in the directory messages.

Me: “Honestly, you could tell them they’d reached the morgue, and they’d still just prattle on unknowingly.”

Department Lead: “No, I don’t think they’d be that oblivious!”

Me: “Really? Just wait. I’ll get the next call.”

Not two minutes later, the phone rings in our department. I pick up, and my department lead stares at me in unabashed horror as I speak.

Me: “[County] Morgue, you kill ’em, we chill ’em! You stab ’em, we slab ’em! Can I interest you in our two-for-one embalming special today? Brought to you by Formaldehyde: keeping your loved-ones fresh, even in death!”

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling about a cake order I placed on [date]. It’s supposed to be picked up today at [time]. Can you tell me if it’s ready yet?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that cake is ready for you whenever you’d like to pick it up. The price is [amount], and if no one is in the department, one of the [Coffee Kiosk] girls would be happy to grab it for you.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you so much. I’ll be in soon!” *Click*

Me: *To the department lead* “Told you. They just tune us out!”

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What is the absolute most stupid thing you’ve heard a customer say?

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