Let’s Hope It’s Canine Benign

(The owner of the pet store I work at calls me into his office to listen to a recorded call.)

Owner: “Are my employees idiotic?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

(The owner presses a button on computer and a recording starts.)

Coworker: “Its a wonderful day at [Pet Store]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “My dog has cancer. Do you guys recommend any special type of food?”

Coworker: “OH MY GOD! WE HAVE THE CUTEST DOGS!”

Customer: “My dog has cancer, you f***** a**-hole.”

Coworker: “…oh.”

(The owner stops the recording and looks at me.)

Me: “That wasn’t me. I don’t even answer phones! I stay locked up in the kennel, away from humans!”

Owner: “I know. You hear all the gossip they sprout when they’re back there. Are my floor people idiotic?”

Me: “… yes.”