Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

| NC, USA | Right | August 4, 2014

(I work for moving truck company. When your truck breaks down, you call me.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Truck Company] Emergency Road Service. My name is [My Name]. May I have your first and last name?”

Customer: “LOOK HERE, B****! YOU DON’T NEED MY NAME! MY TRUCK IS ON FIRE AND I’VE GOT 8,000 PARAKEETS IN THE BACK OF IT!”

Me: “I understand, sir. I suggest you hang up and call 911 and give them your location. If you’re on the highway they can usually find you by your nearest mile-marker or exit—”

Customer: “YOU NEED TO SEND SOMEONE OUT HERE NOW! YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS F****** PIECE OF S***! I’M NOT GOING TO CALL ANYBODY!”

Me: “Sir, your animals’ lives are in danger and yours might be, too. Please disconnect this call and phone the fire department.”

Customer: “IT DON’T MATTER! THEY’RE ALL ALREADY DEAD AND I’M OUT OF THE D*** TRUCK! THEY WERE FOR STUFFING!”

Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you have thousands of dead parakeets for taxidermy in the back of your truck and that you’re still not going to call the emergency line to get the fire department to come put our truck out? Sir, are you aware that our policy dictates that you may not have animals in our vehicles, dead or alive?”

Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A F*** WHAT YOUR POLICY DICTATES! I WAS GOING TO MAKE THOUSANDS OFF THOSE BIRDS AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO PAY ME FOR THEM BECAUSE YOUR TRUCK BURST INTO FLAMES!”

(I just hit the insurance line without a word, and went on break. My poor supervisor pinged me when I got back, laughing himself sick.)

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