Let The Bodies Hit The Door

(I work for a funeral home and picking up a deceased person at a nursing home. I pull around to the back door since most prefer we go in and out the back. The front and back entrances to this place are just opposite each other. No matter which you use, it’s the same lobby.)

Employee: “You have to use the front entrance. Pull around to the front.”

Me: “Are you sure? I am picking up an expired person and most places prefer we use the back.”

Employee: “No…  Yes. You have to pull around.”

(I move the van to the front entrance and re-enter.)

Employee: “Oh… you can’t come in this way. You have to pull around the back.”

Me: “I did that, ma’am. You told me to come this way.”

Employee: “No, I didn’t. Anyway you have to pull around the back to the white gate.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go out and moves the van back to the rear, and find the white gate. I am there for fifteen minutes trying to get in.)

Me: *seeing a staff member* “Sir, can you let me in, please?”

Staff Member: “What in the world are you doing here? You should come in the back.”

(I explains the situation and the guy lets me in and leads me to the apartment I need, with much thanks from me. I arrive at apartment to find everything wrong that could be. The patient is 350 pounds and is laying on his bedroom floor.)

Police Officer: “Are you here alone? We told that girl at the front desk that you guys would need a team for this one.”

(This is normally a two man situation, but I have some experience and can handle it… so I do. Paperwork, body on gurney, and ready to go. The same employee from the front desk shows up.)

Employee: “Why did you park by the white gate? You have to go out [random side door]!”

(I move my van to the side door and get out of there. It took all my willpower to just leave with only the one body.)