Lesbians Versus The Devil

(My husband and I work at a religious supply shop that caters to multiple faiths. Because of this, we often get phone calls that would be considered strange anywhere else.)

Me: *answering phone* “[Store], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Would you pray with me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s not something I feel comfortable doing. There are so many different faiths and practices, and, in my opinion, prayer is best when personal.”

Customer: “I’m a Satanist.”

Me: “That doesn’t matter to me, sir. I have no problem with Satanists, but am not one myself.”

(Just then the other phone line rings.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir; I have another call coming in. Can you please hold?”

(He says yes, and I end up transferring him to my husband. The caller on the other line has a quick question about whether we have an item in stock, so I get to hear my husband’s side of the conversation.)

Husband: “I’m sorry, what were you looking for?!” *pause* “We don’t carry anything like that here.” *pause* “Oh, you want to pray that you’ll find it?” *pause* “Okay, sir, good luck on your search.” *hangs up phone*

Me: “What was that all about?”

Husband: “He’s going to [Nearby City]’s flea market tomorrow, and he was hoping to find ‘big booty lesbian DVDs.’”

Me: “Wait, so he called us to ask if we would be willing to pray for him to find lots of p*rn at the flea market?!”

Husband: “Big booty lesbian p*rn!”

Me: “We get the best calls!”