Lending An Ear

, , , , | Hopeless | June 15, 2017

I’m very young at this time — maybe six years old — and unfortunately haven’t grown into my ears, so they stick out far. At the resort is a koi pond and I love fish. The pond is barred off to prevent over eager children like myself from falling in. Not one to be deterred I manage to squeeze my head through the bars to get a close look at the fish.

That’s when trouble strikes. I can’t get my head back through the bars with my huge Dumbo ears. My parents try to fit my head back through without making too much of a scene. I’m crying and in pain from my parent trying fit me back through the bars. I’m sure we are beginning to draw a crowd.

That’s when a huge man walks over grabs the bars with his bare hands and bends them! I’m freed.

I don’t remember much being so young but to that huge, strong man, thanks. My parents have told this story so many times and we’re all grateful you were there that day.

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  • EJ Nauls-Poland

    We’ve all had that moment as a child where we do something stupid then regret it almost immediately afterwards. I vaguely remember swinging on the hand railing at a shopping mall and choosing to swing myself crotch first into a support pole.

    • Rachel Schmachel

      Tilting myself back on a chair…

      • FanvsantGaming

        Nah titling yourself back on a chair is the best thing. I still do that if I can.

  • Jackie Fauxe

    Re: The Title

    “That’s disgusting.”

    • DarkYuan

      Did it change?

      • Jackie Fauxe

        No, I’m just quoting a joke from Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

  • richhart

    The size of the ears don’t matter. The same problem arises with all human ears because they are attached at front but not the back

  • Dances Daisies

    Important notice: According to my friend who works in A&E, there is a simple fix for the ‘Kid stuck in the bars’ situation: Turn the child upside-down, so they’re looking up to the sky. That way, the ears are flattened against the head as they’re pulled out, rather than flaring out against the bars.

    She also said ‘And we cover them in Vaseline even when it’s not needed, because it makes sure they don’t do it again!’

    Either way, that man sounds amazingly strong- good thing he was there. I hope no fish escaped through the gap in the bars :p

  • termt

    Did you get an earful afterwards?

  • datawog

    Something similar happened to me the first time mom brought me to a movie theater. I was 2. Partway through the movie I got bored, started playing with my seat, and got my head stuck in it.

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you do not bring a toddler to the movies.

    • allahboleh

      One of many reasons

      • datawog

        The annoying screaming is implied. I’m sure I let out a few earsplitters before I was freed. Fortunately I was there for FernGully, and not one of those ‘I want to see this movie but can’t find/don’t want to pay for a babysitter’ adult movie scenarios where I was ruining the experience for everyone else.

  • allahboleh

    “haven’t grown into my ears”

    Is that a saying somewhere?

    • Torbjörn Axelsson

      Probably, wasn’t hard to understand however.

    • Alétheia

      I’ve heard it a couple of places, mostly during my time living in the South; it’s not used specifically to refer to ears, but rather to any body part that’s too big for a kid (think long/gangly legs, etc). 🙂

  • Torbjörn Axelsson

    I guess that is why there are standards for the distance between bars in fences.

    They should be close enough a child could not possibly get their head through, or probably far enough apart no one could get stuck, but then they would have no stopping ability either and just be for show.

  • BR

    According to my friend, it’s their fault that the bars in the fence are so close together at Disney World (even though they were already pretty close to begin with)! XD

  • Harold Wagner

    I thought Bender was a robot?

  • I am Jenn

    There’s a viral video about a kid that this sort of thing happened to….dad is trying to bend the bars like in this story, dogs are freaking out…kid is upset…..

    I won’t spoil it for you, and I can’t link it because it’ll get moderated, but google “Joey stuck” and look for the kid kneeling on the patio overlooking the back yard with two dogs….

  • ieatworms

    Happened to my brother. We left him there. That was 26 years ago. I wonder how he is doing…?

  • Pisces

    How strong is that man? I’m imagining iron or steal bars

  • Tänya Kirkle

    Around that same age I got my head stuck in one of those plastic school chairs that had a massive hole in the back. I like to think they were later banned because too many little kids kept getting their heads stuck in them.

  • Kevin Kennedy

    A doctor once told me our ears have grown to their adult size by the time we are six

  • Phil Adler

    Was the “man”‘s name Bender Bending Rodriguez, by chance?