He Jay-Walked Right Into That One

, , , , | Legal | June 20, 2018

(I am walking the street when I cross the road about 200 hundred metres from the traffic lights. There are about ten office workers standing around smoking. When I cross there are no cars coming. When I am passing the office workers, a cop runs across the road; by now the lights have changed and three cars have to slam their brakes on to avoid hitting him.)

Cop: “Miss, you just jaywalked. I’m going to have to fine you.”

Me: “What? I’m not within 20 metres of the lights. And if I did, then you did, as well, and almost caused three accidents.”

Cop: “Don’t be a smart-a**e; otherwise, I’ll arrest you for obstructing the course of justice, as well.”

(I’m stunned and not sure what to do.)

Office Worker: “Hey, let him. That way he’ll get into s***. There’s CCTV cameras that would have caught the whole thing, and I’ll back you up.”

Other Workers: “Yeah, me, too.”

Cop: “Um… Well, just don’t do it again.”

(He then crossed again without looking, almost causing another accident. Thanks to the office workers, I wasn’t fined, but I wish I had got the camera footage and taken it further.)

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A Previous Offense Helps Out A Recent One

, , | Legal | June 19, 2018

(In my state, your driver’s license is suspended as soon as you’re arrested for DUI. The cop actually takes your license card away from you and it’s mailed back later. I’m at the office of the towing company while a guy is trying to get his car back after it was impounded during his arrest last night. He’s gotten stuck at the part of the process where he has to prove it’s his car.)

Worker: “Okay, I just need to see some photo ID.”

Guy: “I don’t have my license. I’m not going to drive it; my friend is here with me and his license is good. He’s going to drive me home.”

Worker: “I can’t release the car to you without some kind of government-issued photo ID to prove that you’re the owner. Driver’s license, passport, military ID…”

Guy: “They took my license and I don’t have anything else. I have to get my car today; I can’t afford to let it sit here until they send it back.” *has a thought* “Wait a minute.” *pulls out his phone and begins tapping at the screen*

Worker: “We can’t accept your Facebook.”

Guy: *still on phone* “No, hang on a sec. This will work.” *finishes whatever he’s doing and shows the screen to the worker*

Worker: “Uh… Yeah, I guess that does count as government identification. Okay, if you head around to the gate they’ll bring your car up in a few minutes.”

(After he left, I asked her what he showed her. It was his name and photo on a sex offender registry site with a .gov address!)

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It’s A Thin Blue Line Between Acceptance And Denial

, , , , | Legal | June 18, 2018

(The following are a series of emails between a student and their local police department:)

Email #1 from [Student]:

To whom it may concern,

My name is [Student] and I am a student at [University]. I am currently taking the class Introduction to Law Enforcement and for one of our projects we are required to do a ride-along with a police officer. Is it possible to do a ride-along with [Law Enforcement Agency]? If so, what do I need to do to sign up for one? I would greatly appreciate any help. Thank you for your time and consideration.



Email #1 from Police Department:

Hello, [Student],

I believe that Lt. [Commander District #1] is the person responsible for coordinating ride-alongs. I cannot say with absolute certainty that is still within his purview as a few of the upper administrative personnel had a few changes in responsibility lately. What I would suggest is that you call the front desk at [number] between eight am and five pm Monday through Friday and ask to whom you would need to speak. The front desk officer should be able to transfer you directly to the correct person. Sorry I wasn’t able to assist you fully with the correct answer.

[Records Technician]

[LEA] Records Technician

Email #2 from [Student]:


This is to inform you that your excuse has been received. Thank you.

[Sorority Member]

Vice President of Communication


Email #2 from Police Department:

Unfortunately, due to your condescending response to one of our records technicians, who did in fact give you 100% accurate information, the [Law Enforcement Agency] will not be hosting you for a law enforcement ride-along. In summary, as a representative of your peer group, this remark is unwarranted:

Your email will also be forwarded to the [Other Local Law Enforcement Agencies] to demonstrate your disdain for the men and women of the local law enforcement agencies who serve the students, citizens, and visitors to [University], [City], and [County].

It is my sincere hope that in the future you act more accordingly when asking for an accommodation to be made for your individual benefit.

Lieutenant [Lieutenant]

[Law Enforcement Agency]

District 1 Commander

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Coming Soon: The Not Always Right Store!

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 17, 2018

Hey readers!

Soooo the other day we accidentally posted an announcement for a secret project we have been working hard on for you: the Not Always Right Store!

As some of our witty readers commented, we were definitely not always right! We are still putting the finishing touches on the store and making sure everything is perfect for you.

In the meantime, we’d like to thank you for your patience and understanding.

Be sure to check back again when we have our grand opening of the Not Always Right Store on Monday, June 25, 2018.

We hope you are all just as excited as we are!

The Not Always Right Team

PS – If any of you happen to be the owner’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate, this makes us absolutely nothing! May the schwartz be with you!

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The Law Is Here To Clean Up The Streets

, , , | Legal | June 17, 2018

(I’m a new legal assistant in a district attorney’s office, and have only recently moved to the state, so I haven’t had contact with many locals. The phone rings:)

Me: “District Attorney’s office. This is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

(I write down the caller ID’s phone number and displayed name.)

Defendant: “I need to speak to the district attorney.”

Me: “He’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”

Defendant: “Why the f*** would I want you to take a f****** message?! I want to speak to the f****** district attorney! I don’t want to leave another f****** message!” *lather, rinse, repeat in variations*

Me: *in every pause he makes* “Sir… Sir… Sir… Sir…”

(I hold the phone away from my ear, so the other legal assistant can hear, too, and look over at her.)

Coworker: “That’s [Defendant]. Just hang up. He’s the guy who lives in the abandoned hotel in [Tiny Town] and who the [Small Town] librarian had to kick out because he was trying to bathe in the library bathroom sink, and left the bathroom so filthy you wouldn’t believe it. And just wait until you see him in court!”

Me: “I’m afraid to ask what he’s done in court.”

Coworker: “He’ll take off his shoe and sock, and the bandages, and show the judge his amputated toes.”

Me: “You can’t make this s**t up.”

(THIS time, he claimed to have MRSA!)

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