One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Half-Measure

, , , | Legal Right | November 4, 2009

(I’ve finished ringing up a customer with a cart full of booze and cigarettes.)

Me: “Your total today is $498.34.”

(The customer pulls out a check that has been taped together, having obviously been ripped in half at some point. It even has VOID written on it. He proceeds to scratch out the information on the check and write in our store name and the amount).

Me: “You know I can’t take that check, right?”

Customer: “This is my check, and you take checks for payment. You are going to take this d*** check!”

(The customer gives me the check.)

Me: “I can’t approve this. Let me get my manager.”

(I go and get my manager.)

Manager: “Can I see your driver’s license, please?”

Customer: “Whatever. Here.”

Manager: “I need to make a copy of this, just a minute.”

(The name on the check and the driver’s license don’t match, so the manager returns with security.)

Manager: “If you would come with me to our office, the police will be here soon.”

Customer: “It’s my d*** check! I found it in the trash!”

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Building A Bed, No Doubt

, | Legal Right | October 23, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [furniture store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m suing your company!”

Me: “May I ask what the problem is?”

Customer: “My son got into a car accident because he fell asleep at the wheel!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but why are you suing [furniture store]?”

Customer: “He fell asleep at the wheel because he stayed up all night assembling your furniture!”

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Bugging Out

, , | Legal Right | October 21, 2009

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “If anyone calls about screaming coming from [Road Name], disregard it. I just had a bug on me.” *click*

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It Was All Just A Blur

, , , | Legal Right | October 8, 2009

Me: “Alright, ma’am, have had any accidents or violations in the last three years?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, do you remember getting pulled over for any reason?”

Customer: “I already told you, I don’t know. Now, how much is the insurance?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but before I could know what the rate is, I have to know what your driving history is.”

Customer: “What does it matter? Just throw on a speeding ticket or two and call it a day!”

Me: “Okay. I can do that, but just keep in mind that the quote is only based on the information you provide. If your motor vehicle record comes back different, that could drastically affect the rate.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?”

Me: “It comes out to $106 a month.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll take it.”

(I then go to run the reports since she is ready to purchase the policy and find out she has had 2 DUIs in the past three years, two speeding tickets, one accident, and a suspended license.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the rate is now $486 a month. I would have been able to give you a more accurate quote if I knew about the DUIs.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you just meant speeding tickets. I didn’t realize that DUIs counted. I mean, I wasn’t even speeding when I got them!”

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Golden Rule, Meet Golden Bulldozer

, , | Legal Right | October 2, 2009

(I work for the city and am repairing potholes in a residential neighborhood. Suddenly, a resident comes running out in his bathrobe.)

Resident: “Hey! What the h*** do you guys think you’re doing?!”

Me: “We’re fixing these potholes, sir.”

Resident: “You guys can’t be here! You did not clear this with the homeowner’s association!”

Me: “Sir, I’m with the city and we don’t have to clear these repairs with any association.”

Resident: “Like h*** you don’t!”

Me: “Please step back, sir. I have to continue working and you are too close to the job site.”

(The resident runs back into his house and comes back out with a small bucket of yellow paint. Before we can stop him, he starts painting the dings and scratches on our bulldozer.)

Me: “What are you doing, sir?!”

Resident: “If you don’t have to clear repairs with us, then I guess I don’t have to clear repairs with the city!”

Me: “Sir, that color paint is not the same as the paint job on the equipment. Plus, you are now defacing this equipment. I will call the police if you don’t stop!”

Resident: “F*** off, you f****** lemming!”

Me: “That’s it, I’m calling the police!”

(By the time the police show up, all his neighbors have come outside to watch the commotion. Things only go downhill from there, as he ends up getting charged with three counts: defacing public property, resisting arrest and assault on a peace officer.)

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