A One-Way Ticket To Stupidity

, , , , | Legal | November 13, 2018

(I am waiting for a friend to fight his parking ticket. I am sitting in the back of a very busy traffic courtroom.)

Bailiff: “NEXT!”

(A guy goes up and hands a ticket over to the bailiff, who announces his name and citation number to the court reporter.)

Judge: “Well, Mr. [Guy], what’s the story here?”

Guy: “I was parking on the South Side in a municipal lot. It was really busy and I was in line for the meter.”

(In this city, there is one “meter” per lot. You enter your plate number and a receipt prints out.)

Guy: “While I was in line, the meter maid gave me a ticket.”

Judge: “This ticket says it was on [date], is that correct?”

Guy: “Yes.”

Judge: *sighs LOUDLY, places his head in his hands, and makes an announcement* “If there is anyone in this courtroom with a ticket from the South Side on [date], please stand up.”

(About fifteen people stand up.)

Judge: “How many of you were in line to pay when you got the ticket?”

(Everyone raises their hands.)

Judge: “Son of a— Bailiff, can you collect up all those tickets, please?”

(There’s a bit of a wait while everyone pulls out their tickets. The bailiff hands them to the traffic court judge and he reads each one. Finally he announces that he doesn’t have time to hear each case. He’s dismissing every ticket; they can all leave. Finally, my friend gets called.)

Judge: “What’s your story?”

Friend: “Well, I was on the North Side on [date two weeks after the last group]. I parked, walked across the lot towards the meter and the meter maid pulled in. She immediately ticketed me. If you look at the time on the ticket and the time on the receipt, she wrote the ticket at exactly the same time as the receipt printed. I was the only one in the lot. She had to know the car in the lot belonged to the guy currently at the meter.”

Judge: *looks at ticket* “This ticket was written by [Meter Maid].”

Friend: “Yes, sir.”

Judge: “Well, today is your lucky day. That story sounds so stupid I wouldn’t normally believe it. But, given what I just witnessed, I’m dismissing yours, as well.”

Friend: “I don’t suppose there’s a way to prevent this from happening again?”

Judge: “I’m going to suggest she get retrained or replaced. I can’t make any promises.”

(Based on a story in the local paper a month later, she was still doing it.)

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Stan Lee… RIP

, | Friendly Healthy Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | November 12, 2018

Many of us here at Not Always Right grew up with the marvelous comic creations of Stan Lee, and we were all sad to hear of his passing. In tribute to his amazing legacy, we have rounded up some stories from the archives that show we are not alone in being touched by prolific and creative energy.


Photo credit: Fort Greene Focus on VisualHunt / CC BY-ND

 

The Jean-Grey To My Scott Summers – True love can blossom in comic conundrums.

The Jean-Grey To My Scott Summers, Part 2 – True love can also blossom in comic confrontations!

Generation X – Stan’s creativity has allowed many children to think outside the box.

Granola Bars, High In Iron, Gamma Rays, And Vibranium –  For well-behaved children, the reward is Marvel!

The Stark Truth Shall Set You Free – Marvel’s output gets biblical in its complexity.

Got The Avengers Nailed – Who said comics are just for boys?

Your Friendly Neighborhood Customer Service – The secret identity to a child’s happiness.

The Infinity Aisle – With great power comes a great work ethic!

Made Contact With The X-Men – A child’s wonder is one of the best things that come from comics.

The Black Widow To My Hawkeye – DC? Eww!

A Thort-ful Child, Part 2 – Stan Lee, we were Loki to have you.

 

Want more? Then why not revisit our Superhero Roundup?

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Unlawful Sales

, , , | Legal | November 12, 2018

While shopping at a mall, I walked past a kiosk and the saleswoman at the kiosk tried to get my attention. I did what I normally do and ignored her. She tried to grab my shoulder as I walked past, so I grabbed her hand with my own hand, pulled it off my shoulder and twisted it to put her wrist into an uncomfortable angle before telling her never to touch me again. At that point, I let go and walked away.

After leaving the store I was visiting, I returned the other way and saw that the same saleswoman was at the kiosk. As I was watching her, she approached a female shopper and did the same thing when that shopper ignored her: she put her hand on the female shopper’s shoulder and tried to turn her around.

The female shopper screeched, whirled around, and hit the saleswoman in the side of the head with her purse. I don’t know what was in that purse, but the saleswoman dropped like a stone and was out cold on the floor. Mall security was there within a minute or so, and by that time the saleswoman was starting to come around.

Police were called — they happen to have officers stationed at the mall, so it didn’t take them long to arrive — and they started collecting statements from witnesses. I gave a statement from what I saw and also relayed my previous encounter with the saleswoman. I also saw them ask something of the mall security guard, who pointed up at the black domes on the ceiling, clearly indicating to the police where the security cameras were located.

The saleswoman refused medical attention and insisted on pressing charges against the shopper. The police officer laughed and said, “Lady, if the security camera footage matches up with what the witnesses have said, you’re the only one who’s going to be charged with anything.”

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Got The Scam Smarts

, , , | Legal | November 11, 2018

(I have been subject to a slew of scam calls today. This is the shortest one.)

Scammer: *thick Indian accent* “This is [Extremely Caucasian Name] calling from the United States Treasury Department. How are you today?”

Me: “I know this is a scam.”

Scammer: *sounding delighted* “Oh! You’re a smart one! You know this is a scam. Goodbye.”

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Matching Headlights

, , , , | Legal | November 10, 2018

(I am pulled over by a police officer:)

Officer: “Good morning, ma’am. Did you know you have a headlight out?”

Me: “Good morning, officer. No, I didn’t. Did you know you also have a headlight burned out?”

Officer: *looking back at his cruiser* “No. I didn’t know that. Have a nice day.”

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