Introducing The Not Always Right Store

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | June 25, 2018

Hey readers!

After our accidental announcement two weeks ago, we’re delighted to announce we are launching the Not Always Right Store today — for real this time!

For the past 10 years, our community has shared stories of humor, frustration, and compassion with each other.

We want to continue our purpose of bringing our community closer together by unveiling our latest creation with you: the Not Always Right Store!

Read more and get 25% off your first purchase!

The Legal System Is Pain And Suffering

, , , , | Legal | June 24, 2018

(I am hit by a car while jogging, and it is a hit-and-run. Thankfully I am not badly hurt and I am able to get enough information on the car to track down the driver the same day. Once I know who it is and am able to visit the ER on their insurance’s dime, I go and get fully checked out. It is confirmed that my injuries are minor. About a week later I’m in the break-room at work and a couple of middle-managers are in there at the same time. The accident comes up.)

Manager #1: “Oh, yeah, hit-and-run, right? Didn’t they catch the guy?”

Me: “Yes, they did.”

Manager #1: “That’s lucky. You’re going to be all right, I bet.”

Me: “Well, I went to the ER that same day and had x-rays and stuff, just to confirm I’m fine. I am.”

Manager #1: *looking a tad worried* “You are going to sue, right?”

Me: “No… I don’t expect that I will. I’m fine.”

Manager #1: “What if there are complications?”

Me: “Then I get a doctor to indicate that it’s a result of the accident, and I handle that with their insurance. Hopefully, if that happened, it would then just be handled, but I guess if they fought it I’d have to sue. But I’m not going to just sue for the heck of it. I’m fine.”

Manager #1: *condescendingly* “Well, what about pain and suffering?”

Me: *smarta** tone right back at her* “And how much does that go for these days?”

Manager #2: *seriously and dryly* “Easily $60,000.”

Manager #1: “Don’t be stupid and pass up your golden ticket.”

(No, I didn’t sue.)

Sometimes You Just Have To Bear With Them

, , , , , , , | Legal | June 23, 2018

(A bear breaks into our basement. The only reason I know it is there is because the dog is going insane at the basement door. I go downstairs to see what he is barking at, and there is a bear sleeping in the corner. Where I live, animal control is only accessible through the police department. I pick up the phone and call 911.)

Dispatcher: “911. What is your emergency?”

Me: “A bear has broken into our basement and I need animal control to move it.”

Dispatcher: “So you have an intruder in your house?”

Me: “I guess you could call it that.”

Dispatcher: “Are you in a safe place?”

Me: “Uh, no. There is a bear in the basement.”

Dispatcher: “Are they armed?”

Me: “Uh, sort of. They have big teeth and really sharp claws.”

Dispatcher: “Can you give a description?”

(At this point I realize she is just following the emergency response card, and not really listening.)

Me: “Yeah, he looks like Smokey the Bear.”

(She never gets it through her head that we need animal control. Two officers arrive, with their hands on their weapons.)

Officer #1: “Where is the intruder?”

(I think to myself, “That figures. The moron forgot to tell him it’s a bear.” I show the officer the door. He comes back up looking as if he has seen a ghost.)

Officer #1: “Oh, you meant a bear bear?”

Me: “What kind of bear did you think I meant? A big, hairy, gay guy?!”

(Finally they called animal control, who sedated the bear and returned it to the wild.)

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Contract-ed A Bad Case Of Legalese

, , | Legal | June 22, 2018

(I recently pre-ordered a new phone before noticing I could find a better deal direct from the manufacturer. As a result, I call the after-sales support to cancel my original contract within the 14-day period, as enshrined in law in the UK under distance selling laws.)

Agent: “I’m afraid you’ll need to return the product to us within 14 days to cancel the contract.”

Me: “The phone isn’t even released for another three weeks, so I need you to cancel the contract within the 14 days as mentioned in the email you sent me when I placed the order.”

Agent: “No, you need to wait until you’ve got the phone first and then return it or refuse delivery.”

Me: “At which point I’ll be out of the 14-day return period and I’ll have to pay for an £870 phone.”

Agent: “Just ignore that and return the phone when you get it.”

Me: “Are you asking me to breach a legally binding contract between the company and myself?”

Agent: “Just ignore that.”

Me: “I’m assuming your calls are recorded? Please play what you said to your supervisor.”

Agent: “I don’t have to do that, and I can choose not to record a call.”

Me: “It’s okay; I’m recording the call.”

Agent: “You can’t do that; it’s wiretapping and against the law.”

Me: “It’s neither wiretapping nor against the law. Under Section 36 of the 1998 Data Protection Act, I’m allowed to record any phone call under such circumstances and don’t even have to inform you of this.”

Agent: “People like you always think you’re so smart. I’m better than you and don’t have to deal with this. What makes you think you’re better or smarter than me?”

Me: “Well, for one thing, I’m aware of the law that allows me to record this call, the second is you’re asking me to breach a contract, and the third is you’re working in a call centre for minimum wage so I’m betting you probably don’t have a post-graduate in the relevant laws.”

(I eventually gave up and later called their sales support team who were able to cancel the contract inside of a few minutes, with no attitude.)

Breaking Bad Badly

, , , , , , | Legal | June 21, 2018

(I am talking to my boss when a woman says this to one of my coworkers:)

Women: “Hi, this might sound a bit crazy, but you may want to get an officer down here. There is a suspicious container on the street and I’m concerned it may be meth.”

(My coworker relays this to my boss — the owner — and me.)

Boss: “Yeah, we don’t deal with that. You–” *meaning me/senior staff* “–should call the police.”

(I call the dispatch.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] at [Store]. We had a woman report a suspicious container that she is concerned might be meth, so we thought we would call it in.”

Dispatcher: “Yes, I’ll send an officer right down. I need your full name for the report.”

(I begrudgingly give him my whole name, meaning that this whole thing is attached to my name in their system. An officer comes down a few minutes later and I meet him at the back by the container.)

Officer: “This it?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Officer: *picks it up* “If this is meth they suck at it…” *opens and sniffs it* “This is duck sauce; I’m going to throw it away.”

Me: “Okay… Sorry… Thanks…”

(There is a police report with my name that says I reported suspicious duck sauce. Thanks, random lady.)

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