Shoplifting Your Spirits

, , , , | Legal Right | January 3, 2019

(We have had a shoplifter who stole hundreds of dollars worth of items, so the manager is checking the CCTV footage and calls me in.)

Manager: “[My Name], I’ve just seen you talking to the woman who stole that stuff on the footage.”

Me: “Really?”

(I check the footage and laugh.)

Manager: “What are you laughing about? It’s no laughing matter; she stole from us.”

Me: “True. I’m laughing because it’s obvious she is trying to keep her face away from the camera, and also about what she is asking me right at that moment.”

(The footage shows the woman leaving and then coming back in a few minutes later.)

Manager: “What did she ask you?”

Me: “If she’s allowed to park her car right in front of the store.”

Manager: *now laughing, too* “Are you kidding me?”

(We got great footage of her and her children putting the stolen items into her car — and a clear shot of her number plate — on our outside camera. The police are very confident that she will be convicted and serve prison time because she’s out on bail for doing the same thing elsewhere.)

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Her Depth Perception Is Unparalleled

, , , , | Legal | January 3, 2019

I live in a small narrow street with little parking space. If you want to park your car, you have to master the art of parallel parking. One evening my doorbell rings. There’s a young girl at my door asking me if I could move my car forward so she can park her car.

She is acting like I’m taking up two parking spaces with my car. I go with her and have a look just to find that there’s enough space behind my car to park a stretched limousine. The girl drives a Fiat 500, and if she knew how to parallel park she could have parked her car without any problem. I tell her that.

The girl gets more irate and tells me that I have to move my f****** car and learn how to park. I take out my phone and start taking pictures of her, her car, her license plates, and my car — just in case she gets really crazy. Next, I tell her that I’m not moving my car and that she’d better learn to park.

Just as I’m saying this, a neighbour comes driving in her Mercedes station car and parks it behind my car without any problems. She gets out of her car and asks me what’s going on.
Before I can say anything, the young girl gets into her Fiat and races off.

A police car has to make an emergency stop to avoid her while she crosses an intersection without even slowing down. The police go after her. I don’t know what happens next, but I’ll guess that she will get a lecture about road safety and how to drive a car.

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Monthly Roundup: December 2018

| Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | January 3, 2019

It’s time for the December roundup! Our editors have decided among themselves which stories in December deserve the extra attention, regardless of the number of thumbs-ups they received. Out of the 821 stories we posted in the month, we’ve singled out nineteen.

If there are any stories from the last month you feel we should have included, please let us know in the comments!

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite stories in the poll below! Note: You can choose up to three*.

He’s From Iowa, But He Works In Outer Space – A presentation of the history of the future.

Innocent Until They Prove Themselves Guilty – Stupidity isn’t a crime, but it can help!

A Child’s Priorities Are The Ultimate Christmas Gift – Don’t try to use your children to guilt employees for your poor Christmas planning!

Good Customer Service Doesn’t Grow On Trees – This year’s Christmas is a bit buggy.

You Can’t Dismiss The Karma On This One – Taking the boss to court makes for VERY satisfying reading.

Saved By Their Spidey-Sense – Spiders + Cars = Outcome you might not expect.

Laughter Really Is The Best Medicine – We grow old… we don’t always grow up!

That’s One Prescription Of Holiday Cheer – Next time you say you’re sick of the holidays, think about the people who are sick ON the holidays.

A Needling Suspicion Of What Happened – Dentistry so bad it makes you numb.

Hamming It Up Over Other People’s Religions – Guess what? Other religions exist, regardless of how delicious ham is.

They’re Not The Only One With A Child – Even MORE poor parental planning!

He’s About To Get A Chile Reception – Fighting scammers level 1000!

Unable To Mathematically Compensate For Discrimination – You’re not disabled until someone else disables you.

No Need To Pardon This French – The city of light racism.

In Great Loss There Can Be Great Kindness – The onion-chopping department is open.

“Nice Guys” Usually Aren’t – Be nice to the girl, then get sex. That’s how it works.

Way Better Than What Neelix Can Cook Up – To boldly cook what never has been cooked before!

This Joke Is On The Spectrum – Jokes about autism don’t have to be offensive.

Appearances Can’t Be Deceiving – Pure blind justice!

 

Please choose your favorite story of the month!

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*Not Always Hopeless stories are not included in the poll. This is because often they are so lovely they win by default.

Select Your 2018 Favorite Story!

, | Friendly Healthy Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | January 2, 2019

Dear Readers!

Welcome to 2019!  We’ll be making a whole bunch of posts highlighting the NotAlwaysRight year in review.

We’d like the help of you, our dedicated readers, to pick out the Reader Favorites of 2018.

Please leave suggestions and recommendations in the comments to this post. If you can’t remember the title or can’t find the link, a brief description of the story will do. Don’t worry, we will find it and consider it for the review of our readers’ favorites of 2018.

We look forward to seeing what you choose!

Happy New Year!

The Editors

He Threw Away His Shot… And His Job

, , , , | Legal | January 2, 2019

My brother has been a member of the civil nuclear constabulary — a section of the British police force that exclusively guards the countries nuclear sites — for some time. The job itself is very mundane and quiet most of the time. The force has never fired a shot in anger in the more than 60 years it has been in existence and usually averages under 25 arrests nationwide per year. It does, however, have some stories from the past that are quite alarming. This one, in particular, was told to my brother’s training group by their firearms instructor.

This story happens in 2004, in a post-9/11 world that’s also seen a sharp increase in suicide bombing incidents. There are two types of guards at Britain’s nuclear sites: the true civil nuclear police who are a well-armed and well-trained force who wear full ballistic protection and carry a range of firearms, and the onsite security staff who are employed by private security firms, are not classed as police, and are armed with at most a baton and pepper spray. The security staff serves as gate guards and interior checkpoint monitors, whilst the police do roaming patrols on and around the site.

The security firm decided its employees needed training in how to handle a credible suicide threat, and thus had one of their offsite employees approach the front gate of a nuclear site wearing a fake bomb vest. Unfortunately, it slipped this company’s mind to inform the multitude of highly-armed police onsite that this was going to be happening.

This man approached the gate wearing a large coat, and when confronted by the security staff, he shrugged off his coat to reveal a very convincing bomb vest and started shouting at the guards. As this occurred, one of the police officers arrived behind him in a patrol vehicle and after stopping, quickly exited the vehicle, shouted a warning, and got as far as cocking his rifle to open fire when the guy spun around screaming, “Training exercise!” repeatedly whilst throwing himself on the floor with his arms outstretched.

The police officer held his fire, and after a rather tense period, the actor’s identity was confirmed and he was allowed to get up and remove his outfit. The police officer, incredibly, was reprimanded and dismissed for holding his fire. At the hearing, when he said he could have killed the man, his superior simply responded that he should have.

The instructor finished this story with the warning that the constabulary expected deadly force to be used against persons who were deemed a credible threat to life or the facility, and if anyone present felt they would be unable to pull the trigger they should get up and leave now. Three people of the 25 present got up and left.

So far my brother and every other member of the force has shot nothing but training targets. I hope their presence at Britain’s nuclear sites as a force in being is sufficient to ensure that it stays that way.

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