I lived on a military base for a few weeks. My packages started disappearing. It wasn’t every package, but with Christmas coming up, I couldn’t keep ordering and risk my purchases disappearing. Every person on base has to either have a military ID or sign in with the front gate, so the possible list of thieves was limited. Still, with no way to identify the thief, my report was useless.

I ordered a security camera and decided it would be too ironic if the camera was stolen, so I took the day off work and waited for the delivery. I heard someone at my front door and thought it was the delivery guy. Instead, I was face to face with a man in plain clothes. He looked up, his hands on my delivery.

Man: “Uh…”

He extended the box toward me. I took his picture with my phone.

Man: “You can’t take my picture!”

Me: “You can’t take my delivery. Now get the f*** off my porch.”

I took the box from his hands and shut the door in his face. I went out later to install my camera and found that my potted plants had been ripped out and a puddle of urine was left on my doorstep. I shared the photo with security and they confirmed that the man was a guest of one of the families living on my street. I installed my camera and haven’t had a package stolen since.

Most people don’t realise that it is difficult to get snow in some places. Wellington, New Zealand, is one of those places. The low altitude and the salt from having ocean around three sides mean that snow is basically unheard of… until 2011.

A strange weather pattern led to three days of white stuff even at levels less than five meters above sea level. It was gorgeous and amazing. We all muddled about our businesses and got on with everything, with some things being a little more slippery than others.

Not the criminals, however.

During this three-day powdering, when you might experience the joy of watching your footprints stay in the new snow coat, two clever people decided they were going to rob a dairy.

Then, they walked straight home.

In the snow.

They were shocked when they were caught less than an hour afterward. Somehow, the police had managed to track them down. They got hauled away.

Oh, and the riches they had taken from the small store? Ice cream. Just in case the story wasn’t cool enough.

This is back in the late 1990s or early 2000s. My parents and I had just moved into this new town. Dad worked at this big local bank, and as a bonus to his promotion (part of the reason why we moved), Dad was given a nice townhouse downtown from the bank at a very cheap price. The house had been confiscated by the bank since the previous owner couldn’t pay his debts and bailed.

A few weeks after we moved in, we got a call at midnight. It woke everyone up, and Dad picked up the phone.

Dad: “Hello?”

Drunk Caller: “Pick a number… pick a number…”

Dad: *Confused* “Excuse me?”

Drunk Caller: “Pick a number… pick a number…”

Dad: “Who is this?”

Drunk Caller: “Come on, man, this is [Drunk Caller]. Now pick a number.”

Dad: “Sorry, you have the wrong number.”

Drunk Caller: “Oh… Okay…” *Click*

This continued for weeks and Dad got increasingly annoyed every time this caller called again and again, even when we told him that he had the wrong number. When we asked around, we found out that the previous owner of our house was a well-known gambling addict and was known to be rowdy late into the night. Dad concluded that the drunk caller was one of his gambling buddies and didn’t know his friend had fled the town.

We got a call from the drunk gambler dude again, and Dad told him that the previous owner of this house was no longer living here.

Drunk Caller: “Oh… okay. Now pick a number.”

Dad: *Angrily* “Don’t call this number again!” *Click*

Unfortunately, the guy kept calling, no matter how many times we told him that his gambling buddy doesn’t live here anymore. He kept repeating the same words over and over each call.

Finally, Dad had enough when we got another call from the same guy one night.

Dad: *Gruffly* “Evening.”

Drunk Caller: “Pick a number… pick a number…”

Dad: *Imitating a deep authoritative voice* “This is the Precinct Police Station of [Town]. Who are you?”

Drunk Caller: “Pick a numb— Wait, what?”

Dad: “Are you deaf? You have called the Precinct Police Station of [Town]! Now state your purpose or I’ll charge you for wasting my time!”

Drunk Caller: “Ah! I’m sorry! Sorry!” *Click*

Dad: “That’s what I thought.”

Needless to say, we didn’t get another call from that guy again.

I once encountered a variation on many of the scams listed on this site. A letter arrived in the office from a company I had never heard of, threatening to sue us over an unpaid advertisement. The company had never used any form of advertising that I knew of, being a small regional office of a much bigger multinational business, but we were a truck sales operation, so it wasn’t impossible that the sales department had chosen to try something new on a local basis.

I rang the number on the letter and asked to speak to someone about the supposedly unpaid invoice. I ended up talking to a very aggressive individual who insisted that it was a valid charge and that they even had a recording of the phone conversation placing the advert.

Me: “Can I listen to that recording?”

I got to hear a scammer taking advantage of an inexperienced receptionist who shared the same office as me.

Not once did the caller actually ask her to place an order. Everything was phrased, “Your manager asked for this. Can we just confirm the details?” Yes, she confirmed our address, phone number, etc., but all she was doing was agreeing that the information was correct, never actually asking them to do anything. She was led through a very slick spiel intended to be used as a threat to demand payment.

Unfortunately for this company, prior to working here, I had spent an entertaining three years working for a company constantly on the brink of bankruptcy, and threats of legal action were by now water off a duck’s back. I’d had so many court summonses arrive on my desk that I didn’t care anymore — nine from one company in the space of a month once. But I had also learned somewhat about when aggression actually meant, “I’m lying and hoping you will give in.”

So, after listening to the call and the following threats, I asked for something that the caller appeared not to expect.

Me: “Can I see the adverts?”

Scammer: “They’re on a calendar printed for the truck industry to be given out to potential customers with numerous suppliers advertising on them.”

Me: “You have nothing from us that proves that we placed an order, just confirmations of information. But if we see the calendar and like it, we might be prepared to pay. Just send me a copy.”

There was a brief pause from the other end, and then the phone went dead.

We never received a copy of the calendar.

It’s around 2016. The newspapers have been reporting on scammers calling people at home and on their mobile phones, allegedly to raise money for various Police Support Funds. There are also legitimate fundraisers for police officers, too, but it’s difficult to tell them apart, although generally speaking, the legitimate ones at this point in time either call your home phone or send you something in the mail.

One day, I’m sitting in my car waiting for my wife to come out of her office when my mobile phone rings. I answer it because I am expecting a call and don’t know what number will show on my display. The caller is a man who sounds roughly middle-aged with not a hint of a foreign accent.

Caller: “Hello, my name is [Caller], and I’m calling from [generic sounding name for Police Fund] raising money to support our local Police Officers who have been wounded on the job. Would you like to donate $100 today? The donation will appear on your next cell phone statement.”

That makes me feel somewhat suspicious.

Me: “I’m not interested in doing so right now. Could you send me something in the mail that has more details on your charity?”

Caller: “I understand; $100 is a bit too much for some people. How I about I put you down for $50 for now?”

Me: “No, I’m not comfortable doing transactions like this based on a cold call to my mobile phone.”

Caller: “Well, how about I start you off with just a $25 donation?”

Me: “Look, I apologize if you are a legitimate charity, but I have no idea who you are, nor any way to confirm it. I did not give you permission to use my mobile phone number to call me to raise money or for any other purpose. I’d be happy to give something once I confirm who you are and that the charity you represent is legitimate, but I’m not doing that with someone who cold-calls my mobile number without my permission. Again, if you want to mail me something that I can read and check out, I will consider a donation.”

Caller: “I understand your hesitancy, and I appreciate your concern. How about just a modest ten-dollar donation to get us started, then?”

Me: “No, thank you. You don’t appear to be listening to anything I’m saying here. Please take my number off your list. Goodbye.”

I hung up. Afterward, I looked up the name of the charity he said was representing and I could not find anything by that name at all.

Yeah, this is why I don’t respond to cold-callers of any type, especially when they call my mobile phone number without my express permission. If I don’t know who you are, you aren’t getting any money from me!