A Closing And Closed Case

, , , | Legal | September 19, 2018

(I am working as a manager late one night. I have to get change for my safe and for my register. We have a magnetic lock for our doors that we use when I need to open the safe so no customers can come in, and the switch is by my register. It also has a ten-minute time delay before it will open. I am waiting on my last customers — two guys — before I lock the door, when another customer comes in.)

Me: “Hi, I am sorry, but these are my last customers for right now. I have to close up.”

(Ignoring me, she walks in.)

Me: *a little louder* “Miss, I am sorry, but this is my last customer. I am closing now.”

(She looks at me, then at the two guys, and leaves. As soon as the two guys leave, I lock up, count the safe, and fill both my register and safe. It only takes a few minutes. I am flipping the switch to open the door when I see lights flashing out of the corner of my eye. I look in the window and see cop cars blocking our parking lot so no one can come in. All the while, I am thinking to myself, “Ooh, someone is in trouble.” Next thing I know, som one is calling my name. I look, and it is one of my regular officers.)

Me: *smiling* “Hi.”

Officer: “I am going to need you to please step outside.”

(I go outside and he follows me, while the other officers come into my store with guns drawn.)

Officer: “We got a phone call saying that you were being robbed.”

Me: “Huh?”

Officer: “Yeah, did you tell anyone that?”

Me: “No, I had a customer come in, and as soon as they left, I locked the doors so I could count the safe and refill it.”

(A few minutes later, the other officers come out saying all is clear.)

Officer: *handing me a card* “Okay, then. Well, if anything happens call me.”

(Thanking him, I finished out my shift. A few days later I found out that the lady had called the cops, thinking I was being robbed by the two men. She thought I was giving her a signal with my eyes. It was nice to know that someone was looking out for me, even though I did not need help.)

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Courting Disaster

, , , , , , | Legal | September 18, 2018

(I have been called for jury duty, so I report to the small courthouse a few blocks from my home. We are checked in and shown an orientation video, then we’re basically just killing time while the legal wheels turn on the twelve cases on the docket that day. After a few hours:)

Court Worker: “Okay, everyone, eleven cases have pled out, but the twelfth will be going to trial. If you could all gather your things and follow me…”

(We troop along to the courtroom, but are halted at the door while several official-looking people whisper back and forth to each other.)

Court Worker: “Hang on, everybody; we’ve got some drama. Please wait here while we get it sorted out.”

(We exchange puzzled looks and are left standing around for a good fifteen minutes before she comes back.)

Court Worker: “So, the defendant in the case decided to threaten one of the witnesses, in front of witnesses, while we were in recess in order to get you guys. He’s been re-arrested and will need to go through processing on that charge, soooo you can all go home now. Have a nice day!”

(I guess some people never learn?)

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Death Is Not Outside The Law

, , , | Legal | September 17, 2018

I am a sole practitioner in a small town where everyone knows me. I’m lucky enough to have a good reputation with the local Bar, so everyone is quite understanding when I have to take time off due to an unexpected death in my family… all except one pinhead junior lawyer, who refuses to consent to the postponement of a trial, and is quite nasty about it.

Ultimately, the Judge rips him a new one and accommodates me.

When I return to the office, I send him correspondence, in which I “sincerely apologise for any inconvenience my mother’s untimely death may have caused.” He replies that I am “sarcastic and unprofessional.” One of us is one of those things; one of us is the other.

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A Potentially Explosive Incident

, , , , , , | Legal | September 16, 2018

(My husband and I are keen novice birdwatchers. It is spring, and one Sunday we are driving from pond to pond in a quiet rural area, looking at ducks from the roadside. We finish up for the day and start to head home. After a few minutes of driving, we come to a bunch of odd-looking trash scattered across the gravel road. We quickly stop, but not before driving over some of the debris and a certain distance beyond. It seems to be a good number of white, sausage-like objects. Curious, we use our binoculars to get a better look. A cardboard box in the ditch has a brand name and slogan on it that make us think this just might be a bunch of explosives! Since we have been counting ducks all day — and this is far more interesting than ducks — we carefully count how many sausages we see, and make a note of the number along with our bird-watching notes. Since we have no cell phone, we go to a nearby farmhouse and explain the situation. The farmer agrees to call the RCMP and tell them about this, and we head for home. The next morning, my husband phones the RCMP, as he has a question about the incident.)

Husband: “Hi, I’m the guy that found those explosives yesterday.”

RCMP: “What explosives?”

Husband: “The ones by the road in [Rural Area]?”

(After some initial skepticism and confusion, the RCMP finds the likely source of the explosives, a local supplier that sells that brand. There was only one weekend shipment, but we were nowhere near where it was supposed to go. The explosives are recovered from the roadside… but only half the amount that we noted seeing. The missing explosives are found on the property of the farmer we spoke to, and on the property of one of his friends. After a long day spent talking on the phone with the RCMP, my husband finally decides to call the explosives company with his question:)

Husband: “So, about those explosives. I’m just wondering, because I think I might have driven over some of them… Modern explosives are pretty safe, right?”

Explosives Manager: “Well, yeah, they’re pretty safe, but I wouldn’t want to drive over them!”

(The crew driving the explosives truck was fired that morning, and the explosives company was later hit with a hefty fine.)

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Always Room For Politeness

, , , | Legal | September 15, 2018

(I’m British but I have been living in Germany for the last three years. My German language skills are pretty basic, and occasionally this causes me problems. I drive a German car. I’m at home when there is a hammering on the door. It’s a pair of policemen who inform me that I don’t have valid insurance on my car. I’m genuinely surprised, having believed that my insurance was up to date. One of the policemen speaks very good English, and I explain that if there was a mistake it was probably due to a language misunderstanding. He’s fine with that and tells me that I just need to purchase new insurance and then go and re-register the car at the relevant office. During this whole exchange, he is polite but very firm. At the end of the conversation, as they turn to leave:)

Me: “Okay, goodbye. Thanks!”

(He turns back, looking surprised.)

Policeman: “What are you thanking me for?”

Me: “Well… I’m British. I’m polite!”

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