Halloween Roundup

Friendly Healthy Hopeless Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | October 31, 2018

It’s time to carve that Jack-o-Lantern, put on your costume, and collect the candy! Or will you spend the night watching scary movies?  Having a costume party?

To celebrate Halloween, here are some of our favorite tales of ghosts and witches, monsters and creatures, the spooky and scary and weird, and things that reach out from under the bed to tickle your funny bone. These stories are sure to give you a frighteningly good laugh!

 

This Story Will Haunt You Forever — Claims of bravery may be exaggerated.

Thrill You More Than Any Ghost Would Dare To Try — A classic song for a spooky evening.

Ice Screaming Monsters — Which will give you more indigestion, the food or the monsters?

Scare Me? Not A Ghost Of A Chance! — Everyone wants their own ghost, right?

They Usually Go For Black Cats — The fuzziest kind of witchcraft.

Pray They Weren’t Watching Christine — Poor kid got honking scared!

More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7 — Every old school horror fan just screamed in terror.

The Son Of Mondegreen — The monsters are where?!

Halloween Has-Been — Surprise!

The Customer Is Always Fright(ened) — Must have been too fussy for that poor ghost.

The Ghost Of Theories Past — But they say it’s haunted!

Trumps All Other Scary Stories — The horror story of our times.

 

Happy Halloween, everyone!  Post pictures of your costumes!

 

To Protect And To Serve Misogyny

, , , , , , | Legal | October 30, 2018

(My old and very tricky car is hot wired and stolen, but only makes it halfway down the road before it breaks down. The thief takes my car seat covers and runs. I have to file a police report for insurance.)

Me: “Hey! Someone tried to steal my car. We found it, but I need to file a report.”

Police Officer: *laughs* “Aw, sweetheart. Are you sure it was stolen?”

Me: “Pretty sure, yeah.”

Police Officer: “Sure you didn’t just park it and forget where you left it? Girls sometimes forget things.”

Me: “Well, considering I tend to not rip all of the wiring out of my dashboard when I park it, I’m pretty sure.”

Police Officer: “Oh. Right. That makes sense.”

Driving You Over The Edge

, , , , | Legal | October 29, 2018

I’m in my car heading home from work during rush hour. Things go fine, until someone cuts me off. I slam my brakes and push the horn. I see the driver giving me the finger. Angry, I flip one back. That turns out to be a mistake.

The other driver tries to stay in front of me. If I change lanes, he changes lanes. He often brakes suddenly, forcing me to brake, as well. I am upset, but try to remain calm and avoid an accident.

The other driver then tries to push me off the road! Panicking, I do everything to stay on the road. I take an exit earlier, hoping to get rid of him. The driver takes the same exit.

While we are driving, I suddenly see the driver turn around on his seat! He makes a slicing motion across his neck, and then uses both hands to make a gun shape, making a shooting motion. Because I am baffled and panicking, I don’t think about calling the police; I just want to get out of there.

I take another exit and the driver follows me. I know there’s a traffic light coming up and I know the pattern. I slow down. The driver rushes to the light, ends up in front of me, and opens the door, getting out.

Because I know the pattern, I know when it will hit green. I keep on rolling down the hill and when the light hits green, I hit the gas and take an empty lane. I pass the driver and manage to lose him in traffic.

When I get home, I call the non-emergency line for the police. They take my story. I remembered the make and license plate; it turns out the car was uninsured, but they can’t follow up on that without a reason. I am invited at the police station. There, I am told that because I didn’t call right away, there’s no proof of this road rage. I can press charges, but in the end it will be his word against mine. Instead, I let them take note of it. If someone else makes a complaint of this person, they will have two notes, and that will make it easier to press charges for that other person.

That same night, I buy a dash-cam.

Tighten Your Purse Strings

, , , , , | Legal | October 28, 2018

(I am in my junior year of college. My friend and I go to a local fabric and craft store to get some supplies for a sewing project we have in our fashion courses. It’s around the holidays, so it’s extra busy. While we are waiting in line to have some fabric cut, we start to hear a woman screaming across the store.)

Woman #1: “Help! HELP! I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!”

Me: *to friend* “Geez, someone is being demanding. Doesn’t she realize it’s busy—”

(We then hear a large crash and look behind us. [Woman #1] has another woman by the shirt collar and is smashing her into a display of greeting cards.)

Woman #1: “Help! She’s trying to steal my purse!”

Friend: “Holy s***!”

Woman #2: “No, I’m not! You’re lying! I didn’t do anything! Let me go!”

(The manager comes running to find out what is going on. Turns out [Woman #1] had her purse in the front part of her cart and while her back was turned [Woman #2] tried to grab it and run away. That’s when [Woman #1] tackled her into the card display.)

Manager: “Okay, I’ve called the police; they’ll be here to sort this out.”

Woman #2: “No! NOOOOO! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” *sobbing* “I’ve never done this before! I’m sorry! Please don’t call the cops! Let me gooooooo!”

(My friend and I collected our fabric and checked out… clutching our purses tightly to our bodies.)

Tricks Of The Tramway

, , , | Legal | October 27, 2018

(I am sitting in the tram, on my way home. A young man enters the tram.)

Young Man: “Excuse me, can I ask something? I lost my phone and I was sitting here before. Did you see something?”

Me: “No, I didn’t, but I could’ve missed it. Let me get up for you.”

Young Man: “No, no! That’s absolutely not needed!”

Me: “It’s okay; I need to get off soon, anyway.”

(The young man looks uneasy, as if he didn’t expect me to get up. I also notice he has a phone in his hand. Still, I step aside and the young man starts looking.)

Young Man: “Eh… I could’ve been sitting over there… Thanks, anyway.”

(The young man walked away and got off the next stop. At the next stop he apparently saw someone he knew, as the two nodded at each other. I decided to remain standing; I needed to get off the next stop, anyway. I then thought, “Wait, how does he even know this is the same tram? Wouldn’t you get on on the opposite direction, then?” At home I checked my things and everything was accounted for. Still, I decides to send a message to the tram company. They then informed me they would send my description through to security. It was most likely a trick to either pick my pockets or bag, or even try to scan my bank card — it has a chip so you don’t have to swipe it, but can hold it close to the machine, instead. He also could’ve asked me to use my phone to call his, to see if we could hear it, so he could snatch the phone from my hands, or follow me with his friend to ambush me and steal it. I am now very glad I stepped aside so he couldn’t reach my bag, that I always keep my bag closed, and that I have so much junk in there that scanning would be very difficult. Plus, I have a phone that doesn’t even have Internet.)

 

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