Many years ago, I worked for a contracting firm in New York that specialized in Lexan glass windows. We were contacted by a very well-known jewelry firm near Wall Street about replacing their aging front display window with an extremely large panel of Lexan. By “extremely large”, I mean two inches thick, six feet high, and fourteen feet long! This panel was literally going to be bulletproof! The owners wanted to get rid of the “jailhouse ambiance” of having huge vertical bars all across the display window.

They and we agreed upon a price for the installation — almost astronomical considering it was just a big window. As we removed the old window and the bars, we realized that the framework surrounding what would be the new window badly needed beefing up for better security. We recommended a couple of other contractors to perform that work as that was outside the scope of our knowledge and experience. The owners, already unhappy about the amount they were having to spend, declined to do so even after we practically begged them to and required them to sign off on an agreement holding us harmless for the framework holding the new Lexan panel.

A week after we completed the installation, we got a frantic phone call early in the morning from the owners of the jewelry store. My boss and I arrived at the store’s location to find that the thieves had come very well-prepared. They had drilled two holes in the Lexan panel, installed collapsible grappling hooks on chains through the panel, and apparently simply hooked the chains to a tow ball on the back of a large vehicle. The entire Lexan panel was laying on the sidewalk — completely undamaged except for some minor scratches and the two drilled holes — along with the chains and grappling hooks, having been completely jerked out of the storefront.

We all — the police, the store owners, my boss, and me — stood there gazing at the now-empty display window and cases in the store. The store had lost close to a million dollars in jewelry and expensive watches.

The owners immediately tried to blame our company for the failure of the Lexan panel to protect the store. We took the position that the Lexan had done exactly what we’d promised and that its mostly undamaged condition was a testament to that.

Our insurance company and their attorneys argued with their insurance company and attorneys in arbitration for months until the judge hearing the case finally found completely in our favor. His analogy and the lesson: when the plumber putting in your new toilet says you need to replace the floor under it, and that’s out of his scope of work, LISTEN TO HIM!

My parents have a repairman at our house fixing something. I live with my parents and am helping my dad out in the yard. The repairman finishes the job and drives away.

Dad and I finish the yardwork and head inside. Dad hops in the shower first to clean off all of the dirt, and then it’s my turn. The bathroom is heavily steamy when I come out, and I open the bathroom window.

That’s when I hear it: a clatter.

I put my glasses on and inspect the window sill. A small, triangular piece of broken plastic is in the track of the window.

I’m concerned, initially thinking some part of the window broke, but no. The window is intact. I can’t find a single spot where anything could have gotten damaged. Then, I get a cold feeling of dread.

I come out and talk to Mom.

Me: “Mom, did the repairman ask to use the bathroom?”

Mom looks a little surprised.

Mom: “Well, yes. I told him to go ahead. They’re people, too, and need to do their business. Why?”

I show her the bit of plastic, which I left where it was without touching it.

Mom: “What’s this? Is the window broken?”

Me: “No, I think that’s the piece of plastic he stuck in the window to prevent the window from latching when we closed it.”

Mom went very still for a moment and then shared a horrified look with Dad. The local newspapers had been detailing a rash of home burglaries where the burglar gained access through a window, usually the bathroom.

Long story short, a police officer talked to all of us, got the “repairman’s” name from our paperwork, took the plastic, and left. I’m not sure about the details of the investigation, but the burglaries did stop afterward.

This happened about a decade ago while I was still a university student. One day, on my drive home from campus, I passed by the bank my account is with as I did nearly every day. However, this time, I saw numerous police cars in the parking lot and figured something had gone down.

Sure enough, when I checked the news upon arriving home, I found that the bank had indeed been robbed. There was a silver lining, though; the culprit was arrested at his home only a short time later and all the money was recovered. And when I say, “a short time,” I mean it took police less than an hour to track the culprit back to his house, arrest him, and recover the stolen money.

How did they manage to track the criminal back to his house so quickly, you ask? Well, in this case, the bank robber was incredibly dumb. How dumb was he? Dumb enough to write the note to the teller on the back of one of his own personal checks — the ones containing his full name and home address. Not only that, but he only lived a short distance from the bank.

I am a patrol police officer. I am with my partner patrolling a busy party street on Halloween, so it’s pretty crazy. So far, despite a couple of people drinking way too much, most people have been in a good mood and wearing amazing costumes, but we’re always on the lookout for things to get ugly.

A drunk and loud Marge Simpson comes running up to us.

Marge Simpson: “Help! I’ve been mugged!”

Me: “Are you injured, ma’am?”

Marge Simpson: “No! But I’ve been mugged! Follow me!”

She frantically runs down the road, and we quickly follow. She approaches the outside of a bar, where a bunch of people are smoking.

Marge Simpson: “There! They stole my bag!”

She is pointing to a literal group of pirates.

Me: “Which one, ma’am?”

Marge Simpson: “Jack Sparrow!”

There are about four reasonable impersonations of Jack Sparrow among the group, but thankfully, one of them walks up to us.

Jack Sparrow: “We told you, lady, we don’t have your d*** bag! Someone else must have taken it!”

Me: “What does your bag look like, ma’am?”

Marge Simpson: “It’s an expensive blue leather bag! It’s Gucci! Gucci!“

Just then, Jack Sparrow and I see the same thing at the same time and lock eyes.

Jack Sparrow: “Your bag is in your hair, you stupid woman!”

Marge Simpson: “What?!”

Me: “There is a bag fitting your description… uh… currently positioned securely inside your wig.”

She reaches above her head and grabs the bag, and her eyes widen with shock. She then turns around and starts screeching at a group of costumed women.

Marge Simpson: “Which one of you b****es put my bag in my hair?!”

She storms off and I am left standing there with Jack Sparrow.

Me: “Has she been bothering you tonight?”

Jack Sparrow: “A little, nothing too bad. She just saw a bunch of pirates and assumed.”

Me: “Well… you take care, then.”

Jack Sparrow: “This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.”

Gotta love Halloween!

My husband is a mechanic. He is very good at his job; he is an honest man who will be truthful about what is wrong with your car and how to fix it. He is also very knowledgeable about what he does and will not overcharge or cheat people in any way. Due to this, his shop is always busy with a steady stream of customers.  

Unfortunately, he does get his share of problem customers. This one in particular stands out even among the worst of the others.

[Customer] starts communication with [Husband] via telephone and asks about a price quote for an engine swap. A price quote is given. Then, there’s silence for a few weeks.

[Customer] calls again, and again asks for the price of an engine swap. When he is given the same price quote, [Customer] then starts to inquire about a head gasket replacement service.

Husband: “That would be [new price quote].”

Customer: “Why does it cost so much?!”

[Husband] explains in detail what is included in the service. He also explains that if the car engine has already overheated, it is recommended to swap the engine. Overheating of the engine can cause the components of the engine block to warp and cause damage.

[Customer] drops off his car and makes it clear that he wants a head gasket replacement service. [Husband] completes the service and the customer picks up his vehicle.

Two days later, the car is returned to the shop via tow truck (paid by [Husband]). It is leaking oil badly. Upon inspection, a hole is discovered in the engine block. The components of the block have warped and caused damage. There are also other visual signs of the engine block having been previously overheated.

[Husband] calls [Customer] to give him the diagnosis of the engine. [Customer] is very angry.

Customer: “Why wasn’t this fixed when my car was in?”

Husband: “The car was dropped off for a head gasket replacement service. In this type of service, the block is not removed and inspected as the engine is not being rebuilt.”

Customer: “My engine block problems are your fault! Something must have happened in the shop that caused the warping and the hole!”

After a lengthy conversation, filled with accusations, [Husband] encourages [Customer] to take his car to the dealership for a second opinion.

Husband: “Those mechanics can diagnose the engine damage, and you’ll see that the damage did not happen in my shop. They can also critique the professional head gasket replacement service I did, and you will see that the job was done professionally and completely.”

[Customer] refuses all encouragement to get a second opinion and strongly insists that [Husband] is to blame for his engine block issues. When [Husband] will not fix the engine block for free, [Customer] files a complaint against my husband’s shop with the state’s Attorney General.

He states in the complaint that he dropped his car off for a head gasket replacement service. Two days later, the engine block became damaged, and [Husband] is refusing to take responsibility for the block damage. [Customer] files this complaint while storing his vehicle for free at [Husband]’s shop. The customer never complains at all about the actual head gasket service [Husband] completed.

After our written response is received by the Attorney General’s office, the complaint is quickly closed without investigation into my husband’s shop. The customer finally picks up his car after a month of free storage.

[Customer] then calls his bank and brings a dispute against [Husband] via [Payment Service] which we use. His new accusation to get the money returned? “Goods or Services not as described.” This is a complete lie, as he was told in detail prior to the service what was included.

The dispute is still open. To prove [Customer] is lying, we have provided all of [Customer]’s original complaints against us and our written response. Both are signed under perjury of law to be truthful and accurate.

[Payment Service] has pulled the payment from our account and is holding it while they investigate [Customer]’s claim of “Goods or services not as described.” We are still waiting to see if the banks will see the truth in this situation, or if [Customer] will win and have his money returned to him.