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The Top Rated Posts Of 2018!

| Friendly Healthy Learning Legal Related Right Romantic Working | January 7, 2019

Dear readers,

It’s time to reveal the twenty highest-rated stories from 2018!

 

20 – Playing Unfair With The Fairer Sex
19 – That Is “Pretty” Awesome, Part 2
18 – Bagged Far More Than He Bargained For
17 – The Cake Price Is A Lie
16 – The Bosses Need To Clean Up Their Act
15 – Brunch Time Crunch Time
14 – There’s No Business Like None Of Your Business
13 – Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 11
12 – Dusting Off The Scum
11 – Fart Jokes Exist In A Vacuum
10 – Goodbye Fighting, Hello Kitty
9 – Mouse Versus Evil
8 – Must Be Friends With Aaron Schlossberg
7 – Man, What A Wait!
6 – This Prank Has A Drinking Problem
5 – The Best Comeback Since Sliced Bread
4 – Treat It Like A Boss
3 – Has The Authority To Tell You How It Is
2 – A Reversal Of Fortune
1 – The Adventures Of Captain Camp And Mother Russia

 

Do you have a favorite story from 2018 that didn’t make the top twenty? Don’t worry; you can still push to give it an honorable mention by telling us your best story here.

No Permission To Change Emission

, , , , , | Legal | January 6, 2019

(This story takes place when emissions testing is required in Ontario. A customer brings his vehicle in to be tested because the government requires it. It does not pass, and the part necessary to replace is the tube running from the spot to put gas in your vehicle and the tank. It has rotted out. I call the customer to explain the issue.)

Me: “Hello, sir. We ran the test, and it did not pass. The tube going from your gas intake to your gas tank has rotted out. It needs to be replaced. We can replace it, parts and labour, for $125 and have your vehicle ready today.”

Customer: “$125? For a tube?! Why can’t you just fudge the numbers and make it pass?”

Me: “I am unable to do that. That is illegal and we will have our license taken to do emissions testing if we do not comply.”

Customer: “Come on! Can’t you just do it this one time? I am retired and cannot afford that.”

Me: “Of course sir. In that case, I can do it this one time. Your new bill will be $50,125. We will require payment before the work is done.”

Customer: “WHAT?! Why the f*** did the price jump so much?!”

Me: “Well, you see sir, the first offense for filing an illegal test is $50,000. That will need to be paid up front by you so I can pay the fine.”

Customer: *long pause* “Okay, I’ll pay to have the part replaced.”

(Amazing how people don’t want to do illegal things when they will be the ones paying the fine, isn’t it?)

Put Your Money Where Your Thoughts And Prayers Are

, , , , | Legal | January 5, 2019

A local Sunday school commissioned me for a painting. I took the job and did everything they asked, and they were happy with it. They seemed like the perfect client… until I sent them the invoice. This is a verbatim quote from their email:

“We were thinking about this with our crew and with our kids. We prayed for guidance and God told us we shouldn’t you pay this money. Instead, we’re going to pay for you in prayer and blessings.”

Now, I have to sue a Sunday school because God has a personal beef with me.

Crashing Headlong Into Jail Time

, , , , , | Legal | January 4, 2019

I work as the compliance manager for a haulage company. My job largely involves making sure the drivers follow the numerous laws, restrictions, and regulations placed on haulage drivers in the EU; however, my side job is that I handle all incidents or crashes involving our company vehicles, accident reports, statements, CCTV footage. It’s all run through me, and I send things off to the relevant parties who need them. Many of these accidents are very mundane, drivers reversing into posts or clipping someone’s mirror off. Every now and then, though, I get something rather more interesting.

In spite of the risks involved in deliberately taking a hit from a vehicle many times the size and weight of a regular car, lorries have always been a hot target for cash for crash scams. The arrival of full-coverage onboard cameras in the last five to ten years has somewhat reduced the amount of these scams in recent years, but we do still get one now and then. This one was a particularly brazen effort.

Our driver was travelling down a motorway at the vehicle’s top speed of 56 mph. The road ahead was clear until a Range Rover pulled in front after overtaking; the Range Rover was very slowly accelerating away, so our driver took no action. This continued for a further half a mile or so, and the Range Rover was 60 or 70 feet ahead when a BMW tore past our driver and dove in front of the Range Rover.

The BMW braked very briefly, but the Range Rover slammed onto the brakes and didn’t let off them. Our driver braked hard himself, but with passing traffic keeping him in his lane, he had nowhere to go but straight into the back of the Range Rover.

Our driver had a load of uncut steel on at the time, and his total vehicle weight was in excess of 40 tons. Our driver was still going just over 40 mph when he hit the Range Rover which by this point had nearly stopped. The impact was devastating, completely caving in the vehicle up to the rear axle, and sending it spinning into the embankment to the side of the road where it proceeded to roll before landing back on its wheels.

Further footage from the onboard camera showed our driver running to the vehicle whilst ringing the emergency services. The occupants of the car were an adult couple and two children aged 11 and 7. Both children, amazingly, were able to exit the vehicle unaided, but the parents were both removed by the ambulance crews.

The police took copies of our footage at the scene, and after reviewing it, released our driver without charge after concluding he did the best he could under terrible circumstances and that the accident wasn’t caused by negligence on his part. The following day, once his vehicle had been recovered and I received the footage myself, I had issues with several aspects of the crash, chiefly the extreme brake response exhibited by the Range Rover which led to the crash.

I passed the footage on to our insurance group citing possible insurance fraud. After reviewing it themselves, our insurance agreed and I left them to it.

They came back to me only a few days later regarding this incident to confirm that it was being treated as an attempted cash-for-crash scam and that the police were involved. It was several weeks later before they returned to me again with full details.

The couple in the Range Rover had conspired to take part in the scam, and had put their unknowing children in the back seats as extra collateral; however, the mother, who was driving, had braked much harder than intended, which caused the accident to be much more severe than they had intended. They might still have gotten away without charge had the BMW that cut them off not been owned and driven by the father’s brother.

As it was, the couple and the man’s brother were all arrested on charges of insurance fraud, dangerous driving, and reckless endangerment. The parents were also charged with child abuse for involving the children. They all received sentences of five to ten years, and the children were sent to the mother’s parents to live whilst their parents served their sentences.

Fifteen years ago, before dash cams were really a thing, this crash would have seen our driver likely lose his license and possibly face criminal charges. Crashes like this saw my company adopt vehicle cameras fleetwide six years ago, and now, thanks to them, we’ve defended against dozens of scams that would have cost our company thousands upon thousands of pounds otherwise — not a bad investment.

Shoplifting Your Spirits

, , , , | Legal Right | January 3, 2019

(We have had a shoplifter who stole hundreds of dollars worth of items, so the manager is checking the CCTV footage and calls me in.)

Manager: “[My Name], I’ve just seen you talking to the woman who stole that stuff on the footage.”

Me: “Really?”

(I check the footage and laugh.)

Manager: “What are you laughing about? It’s no laughing matter; she stole from us.”

Me: “True. I’m laughing because it’s obvious she is trying to keep her face away from the camera, and also about what she is asking me right at that moment.”

(The footage shows the woman leaving and then coming back in a few minutes later.)

Manager: “What did she ask you?”

Me: “If she’s allowed to park her car right in front of the store.”

Manager: *now laughing, too* “Are you kidding me?”

(We got great footage of her and her children putting the stolen items into her car — and a clear shot of her number plate — on our outside camera. The police are very confident that she will be convicted and serve prison time because she’s out on bail for doing the same thing elsewhere.)