I’m helping my friend out in his recently opened computer shop. One day a man comes in; he looks like a businessman. He says that he’s opening a new office in Amsterdam and he needs computers and printers for ten workers. My friend shows him some models of printers and laptops and desktops, points out some possibilities to save money, and gives some advice on back-ups and antivirus software.

The guy seems to be pleased with the advice and orders desktop PCs, laptops, and printers to an amount of 15,000 euros. While my friend is busy doing the paperwork, the man casually mentions that he has a Skype-meeting in a few hours and asks if it would be possible to take one laptop now and pay it later with the rest of the order.

My friend says it’s no problem and tells me to prepare a laptop and install Skype on it. I tell the customer that it may take some time but the guy says he’ll wait.

When I’m in the back room, my friend comes in and tells me to call the police. He goes back into the shop and starts talking to the guy. I call the police and tell them to come because my friend told me so. I couldn’t give a reason but I know it’s urgent that they come.

Ten minutes pass and the police enter the shop. My friend tells them to arrest the customer for fraud. The police are reluctant but when the guy tries to make a run for it, they arrest him.

Turns out that my friend was warned about this kind of scam. The customer never intended to open an office. He just placed an expensive order so that my friend would give him a laptop for free. If my friend would have gone to deliver the order he would have found out that the company doesn’t exist and that there was no office at the given address.

My friend would have ended up with a lot of costs for returning the devices and one 1000 euro laptop missing.

He said he became suspicious when he was explaining things to the guy. The man really didn’t listen and was constantly asking for the most expensive portable devices in the shop. Why would you want to buy ten laptops at 1000 euros a piece when you just were told that laptops that cost only 500 euros would be good enough for sending and receiving email?

(I am at the front counter, barely in view of the liquor section. I spot a man hanging around there for about ten minutes, and then he attempts to leave casually with his suspiciously bloated coat.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir.”

(The thief stops dead.)

Me: “Could you open your coat, sir?”

Thief: “Why?”

Me: “Please open your coat.”

(The thief proceeded to walk towards the exit when he slipped and fell flat on his front, smashing all the bottles he had kept hidden in his coat. The drinks gushed out and the glass fragments were lodged into the thief’s chest, causing him severe bleeding. He was quickly rushed to the hospital where he received stitches and a pair of handcuffs for attempted robbery.)

(I am at a store getting a footlocker. It is a fairly cheap plastic one, but it is all I can afford. There is only one left on the shelf and it has a padlock on it. I wave down a nearby employee to show him and she finds it odd. She radios in for someone to bring bolt cutters from maintenance to cut the lock. After ten minutes, someone comes with bolt cutters and cuts the lock. After he cuts the lock off, someone comes by fuming that they did that.)

Customer: “HEY! THAT WAS MY LOCK! YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!”

Employee: “Miss, calm down!”

Customer: “No! That was my lock, and now he went and broke it!”

Employee: “Miss, the maintenance guy cut it off so that this gentleman can buy this.”

Customer: “That’s why I put the lock on: so no one else would take it.”

Employee: “Miss, you can’t do that.”

Customer: “YES, I CAN!”

Employee: “Miss, calm down, or I’m going to have security escort you out.”

Customer: “No, I put that lock on there so no one else would take it. That makes it mine.”

Employee: “Miss, that does not make it yours. If you wanted it, you would have put it your cart and paid for it.”

Customer: “No, I had no room in my cart!”

Employee: “Well, miss, that is your problem.”

(She then looks at me.)

Customer: “Give that to me now.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What did you just say to me?”

Me: “I said no.”

(She tries to take it out of my cart, but I push her away and she starts screaming. The employee then turns to me.)

Employee: “Sir, go ahead and continue your shopping while I handle her.”

(I continue my shopping and go to check out to pay for the footlocker. When I get outside, the cops are there talking to her. She spots me and points me out to the cops.)

Customer: “That’s him, officer; he’s the one that pushed me.”

Officer: “Sir, please come here so we can ask you a few questions.”

Me: “There a problem, officer?”

Officer: “This woman says you shoved her over that footlocker in your cart.”

Me: “Yeah, she tried to steal it from my cart.”

Customer: “I had my lock on there; that makes it mine.”

Officer: *confused* “Hold on. Was this lock on there while the footlocker was on the shelf?”

Customer: “Yeah, I put it on there so no one else would take it.”

Officer: “Miss, you can’t do that.”

Customer: “YES, I CAN!”

Officer: “Miss, lower your voice. And no, you cannot do that. If you wanted that footlocker, you should’ve put that in your cart.”

Customer: “BUT HE PUSHED ME!”

Officer: “Miss, from the way this story is being told, from you and him, you tried to steal it from him, so him pushing you away was justified.” *turns to me* “Sir, you’re free to go.” *turns back to her* “You, on the other hand, miss, are under arrest for causing a public disturbance.”

(She started screaming as I went back to my car, and continued screaming as the cops cuffed her and put her in the back of the squad car.)

(My little brother is a fan of an FPS game with characters of various origins. One of his favorite things to do while playing other video games is to imitate the voice of one of the characters, who has a super-loud voice with a Russian accent. When I get the calls from “Microsoft,” this interaction happens.)

Scammer: “Hi, this is Microsoft. We detected a virus on your computer.”

Me: “Please hold for Heavy.” *covers phone and goes to [Brother]’s room* “Heavy, it’s for you.”

Brother: *picks up the voice and dons bad Russian Accent* “Heavy Cyber Security Handlers. WE PUNCH HACKERS! What needs pun-” *switches to normal, quiet voice* “They hung up on Heavy.”

(My family has a competition on who handles them the best. My brother got first place, second goes to my uncle who answers the phone with “Sheriff’s Department.”)

(I am standing at the till when a customer approaches me with a set of driving lights. They normally cost $350; however, they have been put on a clearance price of $200. While I have some power to adjust prices, I can’t on this particular item, as the store would already be losing money at the clearance price.)

Customer: “How much are these?”

Me: “As the ticket says, they would cost you $200.”

Customer: “Can you do a better price on them?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. They normally cost $350 and are already on clearance for $200; that’s the best I can do.”

Customer: *stands and looks back and forth between the lights and me for a minute* “Fine. I’m just going to take them, then.”

(I assume he means buying them until he starts walking to the exit, lights in hand.)

Me: “Excuse me, but no. You need to pay for those.”

Customer: “You’re excused, bye!”

(Unfortunately, it seems this guy was an old pro at this, as he was riding a bicycle and therefore, we had no vehicle registration to provide the police, and while we have surveillance cameras, the glare made the guy’s face so obscured, it could not be made out.)